In fairness to Pete, he wasn’t defensive around criticism. Ally nodded. There was no point in backtracking now.
‘You know, Ally, not many people in the world are prepared to tell you the truth .?.?. especially when things aren’t going well.’
‘Well, you just got a load of “The World According to Ally”. Are you going to stop being my friend now?’ she said. He looked down, then turned to her and smiled; the soft expression in his grey eyes caused her heart to melt.
‘I’ve done a few things I regret, but that’s not going to be one of them.’
‘So, we’re still friends?’
‘Still friends.’ They fist-bumped, causing a woman standing beside them to elbow her partner and make anawwface.
‘Well, that’s a relief, because you’ll be seeing a lot more of me. I’m going to go crawling to Dave and ask for my job back. Do you think I’ll get it?’
‘I think if you went in with a wooden leg and a parrot on your shoulder, you’d still get it.’
‘Now, drop me home, for God’s sake, I need to spend some quality time with my fish. Tell Dave I’ll be in from Friday until .?.?. probably the end of time. And will you, for God’s sake, start renovating that upstairs flat and stop living in the van? I have nightmares about you and Patsy every night.’
* * *
They pulled up outside her apartment block. The orange streetlight was highlighting Pete’s profile, so he looked almost like a stranger. Neither of them moved. Ally’s head was spinning, and not from the two glasses of red wine. Tanya. He hadn’t answered her clearly about where he stood with his ex, and there was no way on earth she was going to do any more digging tonight. Nope, no chance. The ball was in his court now. The atmosphere was like that feeling just before a thunderstorm, when the air is so heavy that you know something has to crack. But neither of them said anything. At last, Ally pulled herself together – someone had to do something or they’d be stuck there all night like a pair of frozen eejits.
‘OK, well, thanks for the lift, Pete.’
Unspoken thought bubbles floated in the space around them. She could feel Pete was struggling to say something but .?.?. what use was that? Fecking say it or don’t.
‘Yeah .?.?. goodnight – and thanks .?.?. Thanks, Ally. I really enjoyed the .?.?. chat.’
‘Me too.’
She jumped out of the van and almost slammed the door behind her. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
She stomped into her apartment and threw her bag on thefloor, sliding down the inside of the door until she was sitting with her head in her hands.
The fish tank created a comforting glow visible through the sitting-room door, so she crawled towards it on her hands and knees, not even bothering to turn on a light. She took out the fish’s food and sprinkled some on the surface, causing them to wake up and flit enthusiastically towards it.
‘Sorry I left you alone, guys, I’ve been out wasting my life on a man. Can you keep a secret? I really like him but I don’t know how he feels about me, and I can’t hang around, it’s going to hurt too much. It’s too late to call anybody, even Rosemarie, and I can’t ask you for any more advice. It’s not fair.’
She threw herself on the sofa in a flounce, only to realise she was being poked by theLove Linksbook sticking out between the cushions. She started leafing through the index .?.?. under A for avoidant, D for disasters and finally H for hopeless.
After half an hour spent lying curled up in a ball and exuding all the self-esteem of toxic pond life, she began to calm down and ran through the list of ‘25 pieces of empowering relationship advice for women’.
In fact, these nuggets of wisdom would’ve worked for all forms of life – vertebrate or invertebrate – it was that bloody obvious. Things like:
Be a good listener.Damn right she was.
Show empathy.Check.
Speak your mind.Yikes, also major check (hope she hadn’t overdone that).
Don’t chase them.Was she? Hardly – he’d reached out to her today.
So far, she was perfect, according to this. So, why was it going sohorribly wrong?
Don’t be a people pleaser.
OK, she could be veering into orange right there, and as Rosemarie had put it perfectly: ‘Don’t make a doormat of yourself.’ There could be a hint there, all right.
Finally, it hit her at number 20.
