He shifted awkwardly. ‘OK, yes. First of all, I wanted to tell you but .?.?. But it’s a big school, so there was every chance you wouldn’t have come up against her at all, and I thought, why create something, if there’s no need.’
‘Finn—’
‘Wait. And then when I realised you were actually working with her, I-I didn’t want to freak you out. I thought you’d be better getting on with it yourself. You’re so good with people, I wanted you to have your own relationship with her.’
‘Well, turns out I do. A shit one.’
In a way he was right, what use would it have been knowing in advance? The situation was as awkward as hell, and nothing could’ve changed that, but still .?.?. come on. That was a pretty massive omission.
‘Don’t bullshit me, Finn, you were trying to avoid an awkward conversation. Why would you not tell me something that important? Were you deliberately trying to keep your life compartmentalised? Because I’ll tell you now, I can’t live like that. If that’s how you’re going to play it, we’re over. Done.’
‘Stop. Cassie, please. Look, I’m sorry, this is all my fault, you’re right, I should have told you. How can I fix it?’
Finn was talking about the situation like it was some sort of faulty machine. She was about to shout back, ‘You can’t,’ but thought better of it. OK, he might have been trying to avoid confrontation but, knowing Marisha as she did now, she could hardly blame him.
‘Another thing: she referred to you as “my husband”. Finn, you call her your ex, is there anything else I need to know?’
He seemed very positive on this one. ‘No, honestly, that’s just how she talks.’
Finn was on the move at this stage and seemed to have found a dingy store cupboard to wedge himself into.
‘Are you sure?’ After all, what else might he have glossed over?
‘She’s .?.?. very possessive about things. Like her pupils, the children, me.’
‘Even though—’
‘We’re over. Yes.’
This whole situation was turning out to be way more complicated than she’d realised.
He went on, ‘It’s not that she wants me back, believe me, just that she’s not prepared to .?.?.’
‘Let someone else have you?’
‘Something like that.’
‘Fuck. You really should’ve let me know about this. This is big, Finn. How many more things are you hiding?’
‘Nothing, I swear. You know everything. All the .?.?. mess.’ He looked uneasily towards the door. This wasn’t a conversation to have where someone could barge in at any moment, looking for photocopier ink.
‘Should I tell her straight out about us, Finn?’
‘I don’t know. If you think that’s the best thing?’
‘How do I fucking know what the best thing is? Both options are awful. Like having to choose between being caught in an earthquake or hit by a tornado.’
‘We’re not obliged to tell her. Strictly speaking, what I do is none of her business.’
‘Strictly speaking, I know, but I still can’t sit in her class for the rest of the term living a lie. I know that means that I probably won’t be sitting in her class at all, so I’ll be back to dog walking, but there you have it. How come no matter what choices I try to make, I always find myself out on my arse?’
Cassie was aware she was feeling sorry for herself.
‘It’s not fair to leave all this to you. I’ll deal with it. I’ll tell her the whole thing this evening.’ This felt like the worst possible option, portraying her as ‘the other woman’ – at least if she dished the dirt on herself, she might have some hope of control.
‘No, please, just trust me to sort this out.’
Finn looked more than a little relieved. ‘Can I see you tonight? I really miss you.’
