Which did strike her as a notch down from out-and-out enthusiasm.
They started hiking up the narrow, heather-lined path up the Little Sugar Loaf mountain. It was Finn’s week on late shift, so they had time for a walk but also, she suspected, to avoid running into anyone who might recognise him, although she pushed away the thought. She gave him a sidelong glance but his face gave little away.
‘Phil said they’d be in touch within a week. Isn’t that good? I mean, at least it’s promising.’
‘Working in a school? That’s kind of ironic.’
‘Is it? How?’
He buried his hands in his pockets and squared his shoulders in a way that made him seem defensive.
‘My ex is a teacher.’
‘Well .?.?. OK, but plenty of people are teachers. I haven’t stood inside a school since my Leaving Cert. I don’t know how I’ll be able to handle being on the staff. I still feel like a teenager.’
She became aware of Finn’s distance. ‘Look, I realise this must feel like déjà vu for you, with your ex. But for me it just feels like something solid and grown-up at last.’
Finn gave a rueful laugh.
‘Tell me about it.’
‘I’m not going to change – I’m still me – but I have to live, dammit, and I can’t do that on what I earn walking those little feckers every day, cute as they are.’ A light breeze carried with it the feeling of spring.
‘Race you to the top.’ She took off up the hill, her legs carrying her effortlessly forward. Well, at least walking the pups had left her fitter, if not richer. She could hear Finn gaining on her and accelerated until she gasped to a halt.
‘It’s not fair, you have longer legs.’
He caught up with her and grabbed her around the waist, pulling her to him and kissing her. In that moment the gorse-covered landscape, the bright blue arch of sky, the breeze that ruffled their hair – everything vanished and all she could feel was his arms holding her, his mouth gently searching for hers, her body moulding into his. Even then, there was still something unreadable about Finn. Perhaps it was only in those moments of silent intimacy that she could come closest to glimpsing the person he truly was.
They strolled to the summit and gazed out to sea.
‘D’you think in time we could be just a normal couple that people don’t look at as questionable? I know we’re not technically doing anything wrong but it’s all about perception. You know what people are like.’
Finn thought for a moment.
‘I think some people will never change their perception.’
‘In that case, feck them.’
‘And some people will just take time to adjust.’
‘Fair enough .?.?. And then there’s my family and friends, who’ll have no agenda at all. So, which side would your parents be on?’
Finn shrugged.
‘That bad?’
‘My family don’t really like change. Unless it’s their own decision.’
A bulbous grey cloud was nudging towards them, casting a shadow on the landscape below.
‘From where I’m sitting, change keeps happening, whether you like it or not.’
Suddenly, she’d a flashback of the text Gav had sent her that morning in London. She’d just finished cleaning the house, ready for him to come home from tour. The flat felt fresh and scrubbed, and she’d bought a new string of fairy lights and tacked them round the big mirror to make the place look fun and welcoming. She was happy.
Then a ping from her phone. The memory of it as vivid as a red beach-ball on blazing white sand.
Crashing with a mate for now. B in touch to explain.
