Just then she could hear a whistle and a booming announcement in the background.
‘Oh, I’m sorry, Cici’s just finishing her swimming lesson so I’ve got to go. I’ll text you later.’
Cassie clicked off the phone, climbed back under the duvet and hugged Bonnie, her old stuffed rabbit. Maybe, just maybe, things were looking up. Even if something told her it might not be quite the fairy tale she was hoping for.
She’d hung around until nearly twelve before Zooming Josie, who was looking less than radiant.
‘God, you’re so lucky it’s even on the cards. I can’t bonk at the moment. All that jolting makes me want to puke.’
Cassie felt a rush of relief to see her friend’s face and tried to explain the whole roller-coaster of events. Josie, bless her, was reassuring.
‘OK, first of all you did nothing wrong, apart from hurling the controller at his head, which wasn’t great, but understandable. Of course, he should’ve let you know his situation so you could make up your mind what you wanted to do.’
‘Exactly, and before I drank most of a bottle of white wine. And, oh, Josie, we were having so much fun and he’s so gorgeous and I haven’t felt like that, honestly .?.?. ever. Then I find out he has three kids and he’s a really committed, hands-on dad. I know I said it’s all fine and dandy, and one part of me really believes that but another part wonders if there’s even room for me? I’ll be in fecking no man’s land, and that’s what I’m afraid of. I feel shit, I’ve a banging hangover coming on and I don’t know what to do. What should I do, Josie? Should I get out of it? But I’m not even totally sure I’m in it.’
Josie had been listening patiently to this rant.
‘What would you have done if you’d known the situation in advance? Would you have agreed to go out with him?’
That was a no-brainer.
‘Are you kidding me, one hundred per cent yes. But I’d have been more cautious .?.?. I wouldn’t have dived in like that.’
‘Who knows, maybe it was for the best.’
‘When I first met him, his dog was wearing a Superman costume and it never even occurred to me that could mean he had kids. I didn’t want to believe it was anything but him being a fun guy.’
‘Cass, it’s not necessarily a bad thing .?.?. it’s just .?.?. different to what you thought.’
‘But Jos, he’s a grown-up, with an ex-wife and three kids.’
‘Don’t be so horrified, Cassie. We’re the weirdo Peter Pans living in a world where time doesn’t exist. Except, take one step outside it and you’ll find that it bloody well does.’
‘But Jos, at least your baby will be a mini you .?.?. and Pal. And it’ll love you. It won’t be able to help itself.’
‘I know, terrifying thought, isn’t it?’
‘But Finn already has a family, so how can there ever be enough love left for me? I’ll always be the also-ran.’
‘Babe, things don’t work like that. Love isn’t like a pie with only so many slices.’
‘I know, you’re right,’ said Cassie, though inside she didn’t feel nearly as sure.
* * *
Cassie spent an hour and a half at a local gym where you could pay per session, in an attempt to clear her head and sweat off the small bucket of white wine she’d drunk the night before and hopefully regain some equilibrium. The place looked full of people – mostly singles like herself, she observed – sweating away, trying to get control of their lives, or was that just her? She returned home to find Eric sitting alone at the table, playing solo Scrabble. She liked Eric, even if he did seem at this stage to be a fixture. He had a flowery mug of tea and a leftover mince pie, and seemed to embody the sort of inner peace and stability that felt a million miles away to her. He looked up and smiled.
‘Your mum’s at her book club, though why they meet at five on a Sunday evening, I don’t know.’
Cassie wasn’t entirely sure what opinion to have about his presence, so she did what her mental health app always suggested and checked in with her gut. It turned out her gut had no strong feelings either way so, relieved of the need to feel indignant, she sat down beside him. He paused and looked at her closely.
‘Nice time last night?’
‘Eric, I need your help.’
‘Your mum told me a bit. No details, mind.’
‘You’re a man. I mean .?.?. What’s Finn thinking?’
