‘You’re not saintly, then? Glad to hear it.’ She smiled. Cheeky cow, be cool, she scolded herself .?.?.
‘I’m Cassie, short for Cassandra. I’d love to say it was because they were really into Greek mythology or something, but I think it was just that my mum was watchingOnly Fools and Horseswhile she was pregnant.’
Finn smiled. She knew in that moment that secretly she’d only ever be able to think of him as Mr Balaclava, dog-father and man of mystery. He pulled off his heavy gloves and she found her gaze swivelling like a lighthouse beam to his left hand. Bare.You are so shallow and pathetic, she scolded herself. You are meeting this person for a random experience and without expectations, with an open mind, simply as another human being. But on the other hand, no rings – this was great. She took a sip of the hot foamy drink and, sighed. The sun had come out and, despite it being midwinter, there was a glow of heat. Some consolation at least for living in one of the few countries on Earth which could actually do with a bit of global warming.
‘So, do you come here often?’ she said, ironically, of course. They both laughed.
‘Far too often.’
‘How come I’ve never seen you before, then?’
As Josie would say, if she could’ve turned round fast enough, she’d have kicked her own arse for being too forward. Did he raise an eyebrow? Too subtle to tell.
‘I work shifts, so poor old Thor here gets a pretty chaotic walking routine.’
‘I’m hardly one to point fingers at chaotic dog walking.’
‘I didn’t like to bring it up but with the six dogs you just reminded me of a really old movie set in Antarctica. It was these scientists with a team of sled dogs—’
‘Eight Below, you saw it? Nobody else I know has seen it. I watched it with my dad one Christmas, both of us were crying, even though my dad tried to pretend he had an allergy. Especially when the dogs—’
‘Were left behind to cross Antarctica alone in the storm of the century.’ His eyes glittered with intensity.
‘But the scientists flew back in to save them, no matter the danger,’ she finished.
‘Leave no one behind.’
‘That’s right.’
Oh my God, Finn had got it. He’d had the same reaction as herself and Da, maybe even at the very same moment. For a while they looked at each other, and then she laughed.
‘That was our all-time favourite. I just didn’t think I’d find myself accidentally re-enacting it in my mid-thirties .?.?. Does thirty-seven still count as mid-thirties?’Damn,did I actually say that out loud?
‘Really?’ He gazed at her with his head on one side, as though he were trying to choose between two televisions in a shop. ‘I’d have given you thirty-one .?.?. thirty-two max.’
‘Thank you. That’s what my agent always says – or said, before she passed.’ She was taken aback by the catch in her voice. Why was this happening? Finn tactfully took a sip of coffee.
‘Sounds like you miss her.’
Nobody else had mentioned this and she felt a glow of gratitude.
‘You know what, it sounds so stupid. Like when a pet dies and people don’t get it. She was kind of like a second mother to me. Just a chain-smoking one on the other end of the phone.’
‘It’s not always the obvious people, is it? I think love turns up in random spots and they’re not always where you expect.’
‘I remember phoning in on the Monday morning as usual and getting Sunita, her assistant, which was weird. And she just blurted out that she’d found a message on the phone from her son to say that Bea had died that night. Of nothing. She just died. And then it hit me that this twenty-something kid was standing in that cramped little office by herself with this terrible news and I just said, “Hang on, I’ll be there in an hour.” And I remember the two of us looking at Bea’s desk with the lighter in the little penholder and her favourite mug that she’d never use again, and the ashtray with the last stub of a cigarette with the lipstick mark, and all the hopeful headshots on the big noticeboard behind her chair. And it felt like the end of an era .?.?.’
It was only then she felt a tear rolling down her cheek and swiped it away quickly.
‘So, I suppose that’s why I’m back here. Well, that and .?.?. something else.’
Finn wordlessly passed her a handful of paper napkins. She blew her nose.
‘I’m sorry, that was .?.?. a lot, I don’t know where it came from. Who was it said that life is just a list of things you’ve lost? But that’s ridiculous. Most people don’t think that.’
‘You’d be surprised.’
‘How did we get from old movies to death?’ She snorted a laugh which turned out to be snottier than expected. She blew her nose again but somehow didn’t feel as embarrassed as she might have with someone else. He picked up a fork and began on the lemon cake. She found herself smiling.
