Without another word, he heads to the bathroom to shower and get cleaned up. Every cell in my body wants to wash the few dishes I saw in his sink, but he told me to relax.
The only way I’ll accomplish that is if I go back to bed. Normally I’m not the type to go back to sleep after I’ve been awake for a while, but I’ll try.
I hear the shower running across the hall from Eric’s room. But that’s not the only sound. Is he…is he signing? The words are muffled, and I can’t figure out what song it is. Maybe I should ask him when he gets out. I push the thought from my head for now.
Eric’s room is almost completely dark. The only light seeps through the edges of the blackout curtains, and the dim yellow from the bulb in the hallway. I should really invest in those curtains. The combination of the curtains and being in Eric’s arms gave me the perfect night’s rest.
My phone is sitting on the nightstand, and I glance at it to see if there are any messages. None. Hmm. I guess Abby is doing what she can to make sure Isaac doesn’t blow up my phone today. It’s something I’ll never understand because their dad is literally in the same house, and he’ll call me to settle a dispute. Make it make sense.
Pulling back the comforter, I climb back into the bed I left less than an hour ago. I know there’s no way in hell I’ll be able to go back to sleep, but I can enjoy the peace and quiet for a while. Something that doesn’t happen often at home.
It’s not long after I’ve laid down that the bedroom door widens. Eric walks inside in nothing but a towel. A small gasp leaves my lips, and the towel almost falls to the floor. He catches it before it can slide all the way down.
“I’m sorry. Did I wake you?” He glances around the room, unsure what to do now.
“Not at all. I was taking a moment to enjoy the solitude, and you happened to walk in.”
“Is that a bad thing?” He grins. He knows exactly what he’s doing. And damn it, I know it’s payback for the way I was leaning into him last night. I expected him to make a move, but he didn’t.
Hell, I needed him to do it. I don’t know what I’m doing when it comes to sex. I mean, of course I do, I have two kids. Just…not in this new territory where I’m not with the person who fathered those kids.
Find your voice, Joan. “Not necessarily.” Thank God it’s dark in here because I’m certain my cheeks are now a bright shade of red. “It was just unexpected.”
“I’m gonna grab some clothes and change in the other room.”
“You don’t have to.” The words fly out of my mouth. There’s no reeling them back in now. “I mean, I can always go to the living room. You shouldn’t have to upend your routine because I’m in your space.”
There. That should fix things. Maybe?
“Okay,” he drawls. “Your comfort level is what I care about. I didn’t want you running for the hills.”
“Yeah, there’s no chance of that happening this morning.”
“Keep making comments like that, and I’ll have to join you in bed.” His grin is devilish. One side lifted up. His eyes glitter with mischief in the light from the hallway. He’s doing his best to test my resolve.
Honestly, I’m not sure I have the willpower to deny him. Not just for him, but because for me. It’s been so long since I’ve been intimate with anyone and I don’t know where to start. Seduction hasn’t been a part of my arsenal for a long time.
“Okay.” The words are a whisper leaving my lips. So quiet, I don’t know if he heard me.
His eyebrows lift up and his mouth drops open. He didn’t think I would follow through with it. Well, jokes on him because today is about me. He said so himself.
“Ar-are you sure?”
Hell no, I’m not sure. I’m terrified. But I pull all the confidence I have front and center. The word already left my mouth. He’s giving me an out, but I’m not going to take it. For the past sixteen years I’ve been a mom first, it’s time to be a woman first. Even if things don’t work out between us, I know he won’t make it horrible. He’s shown through every interaction we’ve had that he’s a gentleman.
Nodding, I move over on the bed. Thanking the universe it’s still mostly dark inside. I may want to be touched in the worst way, but I don’t know if I’m ready for him to see me naked in the light. Motherhood hasn’t exactly been kind to my body.
I’m not sure if he can see me, but seconds later he joins me. The towel is still wrapped around his waist as he slides under the comforter. He reaches for my hand and slide mine into his. “We don’t have to do this if you aren’t ready. I don’t want you to feel like I’ve pressured you.”
“I know. I want to.”
He turns on his side, and leans on his elbow, his face hovering over mine. I can’t see his expression. “You can tell me to stop at any time and I will.”
“Okay.” Now that he’s here, next to me…I’m nervous. I haven’t been celibate since I divorced Keith, but it’s been a while. My body looks nothing like women his age. I’ve had two kids, and gravity has taken its toll in some areas. The confidence I felt moments ago is quickly slipping away.
Most of the light is blocked out by the dark curtains he has over the windows, and that makes me feel marginally better. At least he won’t be able to see all of me.
“You don’t have to be nervous.” His free hand combs through my hair, doing his best to calm my fears.
