Picking my guitar off the ground, I turn back toward the edge of the building. I can hear the music playing through the speakers inside the building. A part of me wonders if my music will be that loud with the amp.
Each footstep around the building brings me closer to the front door. To being alone on the stage. This is so much harder than playing football. I was in front of everyone in the stands, but their sole focus wasn't on me. Most of the time it was on Bryce. I was one of the teammates that helped get the ball down the field. This time...it's all me.
The glass door is in front of me. My reflection staring at me, daring me to grab the handle, knowing this is that do or die moment. Do I take the step and do what I've secretly dreamed of all my life. Yes. I grab the handle and pull.
The bar isn't exactly dark, but it has a subdued ambiance. It's not hyped up like most bars I've seen. Or even clubs, for that matter. It's one of the things I love about this place. The chill atmosphere. Let's just hope it's chill enough to not boo me off the stage despite how much they applauded me a couple of weeks ago.
"Devin?" The voice I've missed for so long catches my attention, and I stop in my tracks. What is she doing here? Not that it isn't a nice surprise, but I unexpected.
My eyes meet hers, and I smile. "Lisa, how are you?"
"Fine. Um, what are you doing here?" She looks confused to see me.
"I play tonight." A lump forms in my throat, hoping my nervousness doesn't show. After the way things went down with us before, I don't want her to see me as anything other than confident.
"Oh, okay." She looks everywhere but at me. "I guess you know where you need to go."
She shifts her focus to something on the stand. It's probably the layout of tables available. The small task dismissing me. But I need to make up for my behavior the other day.
"Hey." I reach out and touch her arm. She doesn't flinch, but her arm shifts out from under my fingers. Clearing my throat, I continue. If I don't, I'll chicken out, and prove to my dad that I'm not grown enough to own my mistakes. I pull my hand back and shove it in my pocket. "I'm sorry about butting into your conversation."
"What?" Her blond hair vibrates as she shakes her head.
"When you asking about a place to stay the other day. You were talking to Carlos and Eric." My eyes are focused on my feet because they look so much more interesting than the disdain that is probably in her eyes. "It was out of line. Especially given our history."
"Don't worry about it," she sighs, "it wasn't the place to insert yourself, but I appreciate the apology."
The bell above the door rings behind me, and I know it's time to move toward the backstage area. Even if I don't want to. Now, I look up. I need to make sure she's not just accepting the apology to get me out of her hair. "Maybe we can talk later?"
Her eyes are focused just above my shoulder at whoever just came in. Damn. She won't even look at me. "We'll see."
If I stay any longer, I'll be pressing my luck. Lisa is a very easy going, chill person until you wear out your welcome. I did that over six months ago, and I regret it every day. "Okay." I take a step forward. "I'll, uh, see you around."
So much for exuding confidence. That scenario also played out differently in my head. I knew she was mad about my comment, and I don't fault her for that. I should have kept my mouth shut. But the cool indifference from her is new. Something that was always saved for asshole customers who came in here and acted like jerks. Not me...never for me. It's further proof that I completely fucked up.
Maybe I don't deserve her forgiveness, or her time. Actually, I know I don't. Not after the way I reacted to one simple request she had when we were dating. The one thing I shouldn't have denied. But that's on me. All I can do going forward is see if she'll allow me to get close to her again. To give me another chance to prove I'm not a complete jackass.
Lingering around her isn't a good look, and I force my feet to move toward the back of the bar. Before I get set up, I need to double check some things with Carlos. I don't want to get up there and look stupid.
I also need to give myself time to get my bearings. Hope that talking to Lisa would energize me sinks to the pit of my stomach. If anything, it's made me more nervous than I was. Not only because she brushed me off, rightfully so, but also, I'll be performing and she'll hear me. Back when we were dating, she was my concert of one. My biggest supporter and fan, outside of my family. Now, I wonder if she'll realize how much of her, I've written into my songs.
"Aren't you supposed to be on stage in a few?" Carlos interrupts my thoughts.
Without even realizing it, I've made it to the office. It's like the people in the bar area were unnoticeable. I know it was crowded when I came in, but I must have unconsciously weaved my way through them.
"Yes. But I had a question I forgot to ask Angie the other day."
"Shoot." He leans against his desk and crosses his arms. He doesn't look happy to see me, and I'm guessing Lisa told him something about our past. Either that, or he somehow knows.
"How long do you want me to play?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, some bars I've been to the band plays straight to closing time and others they stop about thirty minutes before." I glance down at my guitar case. "I just wanted to know which you prefer."
"I didn't know that." He shakes his head. "I guess that shows how long it's been since I've gone to another bar." He uncrosses his arms and stands up. "I guess it's up to you. You can play until we close or you can wrap it up earlier."
"Okay, sounds good. I'll get a feel for how the crowd is and decide while I'm up there."
