My stomach did flip-flops at his declarations. “I might have been thinking about kissing you too.” I smiled. “Danny mentioned to the class I was making funny faces.” I shook my head. “That kid misses nothing.” I sighed.
“Maybe it’s a neurodivergent thing?” He raised the back of my hand to his lips.
Did this mean he was more accepting of Danny’s possible diagnosis? “I actually love to watch how their brains work. It’s kind of amazing. They notice different things.”
He slowly kissed each finger, and I shivered. “Okay, I better let you eat, or you will waste away.”
I rolled my eyes but hopped off his lap and grabbed my lunch and opened up my Dr Pepper.
Adam grabbed his lunchbox with Minecraft characters on it and sat next to me, our legs touching.
“Nice lunch box.” I grinned.
Adam shrugged. “Danny wanted to pick out my lunch box this morning. I figured it didn’t bother me, and it made him happy, so why not?”
How was this man even real?
He bit into his PB&J. “So, why Hillsdale?” He covered his mouth with his hand as he asked the question.
My mind blanked. How much do I tell him? I didn’t want secrets anymore, but I also didn’t want to trauma dump on him either. This was all still new. “That’s complicated.”
He pivoted, so that he was facing me more fully, actively giving me all his attention.
“Um.” Even after telling Rose and Marissa, acknowledging my past was still difficult. I blew out a tight breath. “Well, Ispent most of my childhood trying to change who I was and to be who my mother wanted.” I tilted my head. “I realized later, I wasn’t who I wanted to be.” I spun my ring and flexed my hands. “I grew tired of everyone being disappointed in me, especially my mom, so I left. I found something that was as far away and as different from my old life as possible.”
His eyes were full of questions.
I shrugged. “I know life is full of unmet expectations with relationships.” I took a bite of my sandwich. “Maybe none more so than a parent-child one.” I lifted my drink, hoping the Dr Pepper would spark a change in conversation. My hand started shaking.
Adam scooted closer and held out his hand for mine. I set down my Dr Pepper and placed my hands in his as he squeezed them. “What do you mean?”
The weight of his hands over mine grounded me, and my panic eased slightly. I sighed. “Most parents envision their children destined for an exceptionally perfect life, and children are bound to disappoint by being their own unexceptional human beings with their own wants.” A tear betrayed my pain, and I wiped it with my left shoulder.
Adam’s brow furrowed in my peripheral.
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Whew! That was maybe a little dramatic.” I rolled my eyes. “It’s not a big deal.” I looked down at the fabric of my dress pants. “I’m still not used to talking much about my past though.” I pushed out a tight breath. “That might take a bit of practice before it doesn’t sting.”
His eyebrows scrunched down. “You’re wrong.”
Wait. “I’m wrong about what?”
“You are extraordinary.” He reached up and ran his thumb down my jaw, wiping a stray tear I hadn’t known was there.
I gave a self-deprecating chuckle. “Well, I sure wasn’t what my mother wanted.”
Adam tightened his grip on my hands. “You might not be who your mother wanted, but that doesn’t mean you aren’texceptional.” He dipped his head so that his brown eyes pierced mine. “And you get to decide who you are supposed to be, no one else.”
“I spent most of my life hating myself and the way my brain works.” The tears burning behind my eyes, I cleared my throat.
He rubbed his hand down my arm. “You get why that doesn’t work, right?” His left eyebrow raised.
I tipped my head. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t think having differences can be something that is ‘unique and amazing’ in other people, but bad in you.” He gave me a small smile.
My forehead creased.
“I think the way your brain works, and the experiences you’ve had, have made you the exceptional person you are.” He pulled me tight into a hug, and I was grateful for the space to hide my ugly tears.
