“Time to come home. I refuse to make any more excuses for your absence at the Christmas Eve Gala. You know Jane Knolt’s told everyone at her New Year’s party that her daughter, Mandy, had joined the family business.” She scoffed.
I wondered how often Mom wished she had Mandy as a daughter instead of me. Mandy seemed to love the “esteemed” life.
“She announced it to everyone! I know she did it to embarrass me. You’re making us a joke—the LUXE line a joke. It’s time to grow up.”
I had grown up. The problem was I grew into someone she didn’t want.
My heart dropped. She didn’t miss me, all she wanted was for me to come back, work for the company, and control who I was.
I kept my breathing slow and deep and waited for my hands to stop shaking. In therapy, I’d learned about setting boundaries. It was such a simple word to say, but so much harder to do.
I took a shuddering breath and tried to hold back my emotions. She wouldn’t take my emotional outburst as anything but weakness, anyway.
“Please don’t call me again.” The words felt sharp on my tongue, even at a whisper.
I hung up the phone and refused to acknowledge the pain falling from my eyes.
I flicked my fingertips across my cheeks to banish the tears and glanced around my classroom sanctuary. The thankful turkeys hung all over the walls.
Turkeys colored by little fingers and smiling faces. They were all so different. Different colors, different placements of feathers, feet, eyes, and beaks. Two were turned into unicorns, and another looked like it was an explosion of feathers and feet. I chuckled. I was not sure where Mason had gotten the extra feet from. But eachchild handed their turkey to me with such pride and happiness in their eyes.
Each one different, each one wonderful, and each one accepted.
Hillsdale was my life now; this was where I wanted to be.
I looked at Danny’s desk, and my heart shrank from the feeling that I might have failed him. But at least I had tried.
Why did parents feel their worth was on the line every time a child was different than they expected? I admit I could do without my own differences—I spun my ring—but Danny was different in a beautiful and subtle way.
My head was ringing and I wished I could undo the last hour of my life.
My phone rang again with the same unknown number. I sent it to voicemail and then saved the number as Mom. It hurt, but it was better than the alternative.
I stood and walked around my little second-grade sanctuary, pushed in orange plastic chairs, and put away pencil boxes. It was healing to my soul, like I was putting the pieces of myself back together. Lydia must have gotten new scented markers because her desk was now sporting some bubble gum–scented hearts, Mason left his plastic dinosaurs out, and Caleb was still wiping boogers on the desk. Gross.
I grabbed the disinfectant and wiped down the tables. Technically, the janitor, Jim, would be by later, but there was no need to add to what was already a tough job.
I turned off the lights and went down the hall toward the exit, giving courtesy nods and smiles to people as I passed.
A week of bubble baths, cozy pjs, andThe British Baking Showwas calling my name. Rose, my roommate and one of my best friends, was going to Haven Falls for the weekend, and I was glad she didn’t pressure me into coming this time. I had already gone to her birthday celebration with her family and the one we had a few weeks ago at Scott and Marissa’s Bed & Breakfast, so shedecided my presence at three birthday celebrations wasn’t necessary.
She loved dance clubs, loud music, shopping, and I was more of a comfy couch, baking, and romance novel girl. We were so different, but somehow it still worked. Now, I was extra glad that I hadn’t gone this weekend. I really needed to spend some time processing and decompressing.
I opened the door of my dependable Corolla and sat as my phone vibrated with an incoming text from an unknown number.
[Unknown Number]: Astrid Luxe, stop being so selfish and come home! You’re making us look like a joke.
So, she had multiple unknown numbers at her disposal.
If home was where the heart is, then I guess I had no home. Just cold, perfectly decorated walls, fake friends that only liked you when you were popular, and a mother’s failed expectations.
Right after I graduated high school, I took my credits and used my large “allowance” to cover the fast track online college classes. I also paid a college student and my new friend from COMM 101, Sarah to teach me how to drive. She was studying to be a therapist, and I appreciated all the free mental health tips I could get.
Mom was never too worried about how I spent my money as long as I did as I was told. I still had two years left of my degree when I found the rural school program where you can finish your degree as you teach. It was in a small town in the middle of nowhere, and it was perfect.
I got the job and left New York for Hillsdale, Idaho. I changed my name and my number and never looked back. I wanted somewhere no one knew about Luxe fashion. I wanted to start over, to find myself.
I pulled out of the school parking lot, avoiding the largest potholes and mud puddles. The good thing about the upcoming freezing weather was maybe the ice would take care of the mud that was being tracked into the classroom.
