I grabbed my jacket as Jessica went and grabbed her things. We stepped through the foyer and out the double doors.
It was too cold to stay outside for very long.
I looked down at Jessica. “Want to go for a drive or something?”
She nodded and crossed her arms over her chest. “Actually, is this like a ‘hey it’s been fun but I’m not interested’ or like, ‘we haven’t hung out in a while and I missed you’ type of drive?”
I rubbed my forehead. Jessica had been a good friend. She even watched Lord of the Rings with me last year when I didn’t want to watch them by myself. I shrugged. “Maybe both?”
She studied her shoes. “Um, I think I’m going to go do karaoke instead.”
I nodded. “I’m sorry, Jessica.”
“Are you dating Faith?” she asked.
I stiffened my back. “No. We really are just friends.”
She raised her brow. “Didn’t look like it tonight. You followed her around like a lost puppy.”
I flinched. I didn’t love that description. What did that say about me?
“Do you plan on staying friends?” Jessica took a shaky breath, looking up at the sky.
I sighed. I had used that “not ready” line over and over since moving back, especially with Jessica. But now I wasn’t sure. I was thinking more and more about wanting to spend time with Faith, but regardless, Jessica would not be who I talked to about my feelings on it.
I chose not to answer.
She took a step back and lowered her eyebrows. “Oh, so just not ready for dating when it’s me, then?”
The hurt in her voice dug at me. But she deserved the truth. The problem was I wasn’t sure what the truth was yet.
“I don’t know when I will date, but regardless”—I hated being this blunt, and I really didn’t want to hurt her, but I needed her to know—“Jessica, I really do like being your friend.”
“But…” she whispered.
My shoulders dropped. “But I feel nothing but friendship toward you. So even if I were ready to date…” I pursed my lips together and shrugged. “I just don’t feel that way about you.”
She looked away.
The cold air froze around us, the silence becoming heavier with each passing moment.
“It’s not like you ever really tried,” she whispered, “not like with Faith.” She held her head high and walked toward her car in the parking lot.
I mean, what was I supposed to say, that I had tried before Faith, and I still didn’t feel that way?
I doubted that would make her feel any better.
So, I left things alone, walked with her to the parking lot, and she opened her car door, started her car, and drove away.
I felt like a jerk.
Jessica was hurting and feeling like I used her, and Faith felt upset when she left too.
I ran a hand down my face. I feel like I’ve been playing ping-pong all night, but I was the ball. I wasn’t sure what I should do or where I should be facing.
I walked over to my truck and started it. It took a few tries to turn over in the cold.
I backed out of the parking lot. So I guess now…I just go home? I sighed. I wasn’t ready. I still felt like I wanted to talk to Faith.
