Was I in love? I thought about him and how he made me smile. When he wasn’t with me, I felt like something was missing. Even now at the thought of him, my heart would skip a beat. If I didn’t love him yet, I was standing on the edge, getting ready to jump.
Hm.
“I’m happy for you, hon.”
“Mom, things are still super early.” I raised my hand to stop the train before it left the station.
“Real love isn’t about how long you’ve known someone—it’s about how they make you feel about yourself. Do they make you a better, more confident version of yourself when you’re with them? Do they help you believe in yourself and what you can accomplish, and do you get to do those things for them? Real love is the stuff the movies wish they could capture.”
Grant made me feel special and more confident.
I finished ripping the page. “Do you want these chocolate cupcakes to go in dessert or main course?” I showed the picture of chocolate cupcake swirled masterpieces.
She rolled her eyes. “Honestly, Emma. Main course for sure,” and then we both giggled.
“So, what about the guy that you met at Kismet? The one that recognized you. Have you seen him again?”
Mom lifted her right shoulder. “Hm, I don’t think I can remember.”
The sparkle in her eyes said something very different.
Chapter Thirteen
I stoodbehind the counter of The Bees Knees, spinning the bottle cap of my Dr. Pepper. I watched it spin in circles before it fell flat on the counter.
Everything always falls. I was foolish to believe otherwise.
I checked my phone for the hundredth time today. No new calls or texts from Grant. It had been four days since I realized I was falling in love with him, and the same four days since he pulled away. I was so glad I hadn’t said anything about my realization to him.
I spun the bottle cap again and watched it fall. He’d called Sunday night and said he had some unexpected repairs at work, and he needed to cancel our plans. I wasn’t worried. I thought he meant plans for the next day. I figured he would call that night. He didn’t, and he hadn’t called since.
My chest squeezed tighter. I should have stuck to setting up other people. Why had I let everyone change my mind that this was better?
I walked over to the record player and picked up the needle, silencing Elvis. I set the tonearm on the player handle. If I listened to Elvis now, every time I listened in the future, I would think ofGrant. I would rebuild the barrier around my heart, but I wouldn’t let him ruin the King for me, too. I was exhausted, and it was only 8 a.m. on Wednesday.
I plopped into the yellow velvet swivel chair, my body sinking deeper than the chair should allow. The exhaustion wasn’t just physical; it was in my bones, deep in my soul, and refused to leave. My limbs felt heavy, my heart heavier. I couldn’t replay every interaction over more than I had. Was his hug more distant than before? Was his goodbye faster?
I reread our recent text thread as I turned the chair. I looked for a hidden sign or pivotal shift—a moment in time I could pinpoint at why or when things changed. But it was the same since Sunday, a handful of one-word texts, few and very far between.
I leaned back in the seat and rested my head. I wished I’d let go gracefully. I texted way more than socially acceptable and even left a few ridiculous voicemails about how I was worried, wondering if he was okay.
Nothing. I cringed as I thought of him listening to any one of my three voicemails. Desperate and clingy.
It had only been three weeks since our first date. How had my heart shifted toward him so hard in three weeks?
I typed out another text.
Emma: Grant, things feel off. Are you okay? Are we okay?
I rubbed my forehead and realized I wrote that text a few days ago and got no reply. I sighed and deleted the text.
Was it too early to delete the selfies of us on my phone and hope the attached memories would fade just as easily?
I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees and wiped my hands down my face. Trying to erase the lines of pain and tears.
Grant had moved on.
I sank deeper into my chair, wishing it could swallow me whole and let me just disappear into nothingness.
