Rose wasn’t wrong, nor was she boasting. It was just a fact, when Rose was around it was easy to tell who was single and who wasn’t.
“I stalked him online.” Rose continued. “Couldn’t find any pictures of women, just boring law stuff. He graduated top of his class though, Eagle Scout, awards, blah blah blah.”
Not the scandal she was hoping for. I chuckled.
“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me.” I grabbed a sugar packet and started trying to balance it on its edge. “He seems like the type of person where coming in second isn’t an option, especially with hiscareer.” I thought back to his growing list of rules for the office and his expectations.
“And yet he is in Hillsdale?” Rose’s acrylic nails tapped the table. “Helping his daddy doesn’t really give me the cutthroat business vibe . . .”
“True.” For someone who was so driven, it seemed odd for him to be here. “Haven’t figured that out yet.”
“Hey, are you okay?” Faith leaned against me with her shoulder. “I still can’t believe you are working with him.”
“Not with him. For him,” I sighed. “It’s emotional whiplash all day. He has these rules and likes things to be just so.” I had felt the urge more than once to reach up and mess up his gelled hair. It was too perfect, too contained in place. It bothered me. “But, then he would relax and be sweet and flirty, like on our date.” I flicked the sugar packet over and watched it flop onto the table. I reached up and rubbed my forehead.
“It’s like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, business edition. I can’t tell if I should be offended by him saying I needed to not sit on his desk, or when he said my ripped jeans were not professional office attire. He is so focused on establishing clear rules and expectations. Which I get, but he is going about it in the wrong way. He even made Mrs. Bates cry.” I sank back onto the bench. “But then he drops that stiff exterior and is all sweet, and I’m even more uncomfortable.”
“Why?” Faith asked. “I would say that’s a good thing.” She looked at Rose for confirmation.
Rose studied me with her knowing eyes, and I went back to studying sugar packets.
“Are you going to go out with him when he asks?” Rose challenged.
“What? No.” I sat back in the fake red leather booth. “He isn’t going to ask me out.”
Why would she think that? Did I look like I wanted him to? I didn’t.
“And even if he did, the answer would still be no. I'm not looking for a relationship, and especially not in Hillsdale.” I thought back to Ashley and the remarks the other morning. “People meddle too much, and dating for me is complicated enough as it is.”
“Oh, please.” Rose leveled me with a glare. “Not this again. Mar, you are more than some stupid ovaries.”
I cringed. “Keep it down.” I glanced around at the tables next to us. Everyone seemed occupied in their own conversations for the moment. “I know that—I do. But you’ve got to admit it complicates things a bit.”
“Is this about Tyler’s mom again?” Rose frowned. “I’ve told you, one word and I’ll burn her house down.”
I had dated Tyler during our senior year in high school. And his mother had always been nice, until we talked about going to college together. A high school relationship was fine, but after that, he needed to grow up and start looking to the future. One that included grandbabies.
It worked.
She showed pictures of her grandbabies to anyone she could trick into looking. When he came to the Easter egg hunt last year, Tyler attended with his wife and little twins. It looked like he was a great dad.
“I don’t want anything to do with her or her son anymore. It’s more than that. Before the accident, people asked me what I wanted to do when I grew up. I used to know my answer, to be a mother. The mom thing won’t be a thing.” The sugar packet flopped onto the table. “I just want to live for me for a bit. Find my place without everyone focusing on what it won’t be. I don’t think I can do that here.”
Rose sat back in her chair. “My sister made me watch her give birth.” She shuddered. “Nasty. Maybe you’re lucky.”
Faith pivoted away from Rose and faced me full on, pulling me into a shoulder hug. “It’s okay for both. It’s okay to want kids. It’salso okay to find your place without them. You need to find what you want now.”
I nodded, looking away, no longer wanting this conversation. Faith kept pushing therapy, but I think some things were best left in the past. I wanted to move forward.
Jesse came over with a tray balanced in front of her and set out the drinks for everyone. I thought of Scott when I saw the cinnamon sprinkled on top of my hot cocoa.
“You ladies ready to order?” Jesse asked.
I ordered fries and a piece of pie. Rose raised her eyebrow at my dinner choice of straight carbs. I glared at her in challenge, and she didn’t push as she ordered a salad with dressing on the side. Faith ordered a large slice of chocolate cake. Something was up with Faith. Sugar was always her therapy of choice.
“How’s work, Faith?” I asked.
She let out a long sigh. “I’m not ready to go into it. I might say something I regret.”
