The business had taken a hit after all the press came out. It was normally a bit slow after the holidays, but it was even slower than usual. You wouldn’t think so based on the number of people coming in and out, but they weren’t there to buy anything. They were bystanders craning their necks, hoping to catch a view of the train wreck that was my life. Somehow we’d managed to keep the press from finding out where I lived, which was both a blessing and a curse. It was a blessing because at least I still had my home as my refuge and a curse because it had become a mausoleum of my memories with Jax.
Ella had been a rockstar. She’d managed to terrify several of the paparazzi staking out the store. They’d been hoping to catch a glimpse of me so they could undoubtedly sell my photos to some website that would run them alongside a piece about Olivia Sinclair, the barren gold-digger bitch.
Then there was Mama. Ever since Jax left, she’d been my constant companion. She wove between my feet and no longer hissed at me. She’d taken to sleeping in the bed with me at night, curling up on one of Jax’s shirts. I knew she missed him too.
I’d barely cooked the entire two weeks, opting instead for takeout or to not eat at all. Every time I went into that kitchen, all I could see was Jax dancing around the room or pulling me into his arms. Instead, I spent my time on the couch mindlessly watching Netflix, letting shows I couldn’t tell you anything about play episode after episode while I stared off into nothingness.
I was staring at the television when Ella appeared before me that afternoon, turning the television off. She set a paper grocery sack on the coffee table.
“Hey, babe.” She sat beside me and squeezed my arm.
“Hey,” I mumbled. “Where’s Grace?”
“She’s at home. It’s just me today,” she said. “Listen, I want you to get up, and go take a shower. I’m going to make us some chamomile tea, and I brought some food. Don’t worry. I didn’t make it, so we won’t be subjected to food poisoning.”
I forced a smile.
“Come on.” She patted my leg. “Go take a nice hot shower, and I’ll have everything waiting for you in the kitchen.”
Reluctantly, I did as she asked. I stood under the steady stream of the showerhead for several moments, soaking in the warmth. After I was done, I had to admit the simple act of just washing my hair and putting on a cozy sweater did make me feel better.
I walked into the kitchen, and Ella had a bowl of soup and some hot tea waiting for me.
“Well, look at you,” Ella said. “You look almost human again. By the way, that tea is hot as the sun, so don’t even try to drink it yet.”
I sat at the table and ate a spoonful of the soup. “This tastes exactly like your mom’s potato soup.”
She gave me a sad smile. “That’s because it is. Mom hasn’t cooked in ages, not since her disease progressed, so I asked Katie if she would make it for me.”
I reached over and squeezed her hand. We ate in comfortable silence, and by the time we were finished, the tea had reached the perfect temperature.
“Let’s take the tea to the couch,” Ella said, getting up and rinsing out the dishes, placing them in the dishwasher.
We finally settled on the sofa under Mama’s watchful gaze. “Talk to me, Liv.” Ella furrowed her brow.
I looked down at the mug in my hands. “I miss him so much.” A lump formed in my throat, and tears burned behind my eyes. “I love him, Ella.”
“I know you do, honey,” she said softly. “I know. God, I haven’t seen two people look at each other the way you two did since me and Craig.” She gave me a wistful smile.
“What would you have done if you were me? Do you think I made a mistake?”
She pressed her lips together. “I believe you did what you thought was right, but at what point do you stop doing what you think is best for everyone else and start doing what’s best foryou?”
“If I’d stayed with Jax, I could have ruined his entire career.” I sighed. “I couldn’t let him do that.”
“Don’t you think that should have been his choice?” Ella asked. She took my mug from my hands and placed it on the coffee table along with her own, taking my hands in hers. “Liv, I can’t tell you if you made a mistake. I can’t tell you if this would have ruined anyone’s career or that Jax wouldn’t have wanted biological children of his own one day. I can’t tell you what would happen to the bakery. All Icantell you is what I know for sure. And what I know for sure is that Jax loves you. He would probably give everything up to make you happy, but I also know you love him too much to ever let him. And no matter what happens with the business, we’re going to be okay. We’ll figure it out. I want you to be happy. If you really think that means letting Jax go, I’ll support you. You know I will.”
“But you think it’s the wrong decision.” I rested my head on hers.
“I think you found the love of a lifetime,” she said gently. “Love like that is so rare, Liv. I’d set the whole world on fire to get Craig back. I think sometimes you have to say fuck it all, and do what your heart wants. I know you’re trying to save him some heartache and hardship, but I think you’re trying to save yourself too. I think you’re scared. I know you don’t want to live in his shadow, and I know what the internet has said is less than flattering. But Liv, they don’t know you. They don’t know the truth, nor does that sleazeball Benton Wyatt. They don’t know that Jaxon Slade pulled you out of the shadows or that you were more yourself with him than you ever were with Benton. They don’t know what I’ve always known and that’s how fucking special you are. With or without Jax, or anyone else for that matter,youare a remarkable woman. Jax may have helped bring you out of the shadows, but you’ve always been the light, Liv. You’ve always beenmylight.”
“I feel like every bit of light I had left has gone out,” I whispered.
“Absolutely not,” she said firmly, sitting up to look at me. “Your light has never been dependent on anyone but you. It’s still there.”
I sucked in a deep breath. “What do I do, Ella?”
“I wish I could tell you which path to take.” She sighed. “I wish I could tell you the exact right choices to make, but the road to happiness is a bumpy one. Sometimes you have to hit a few potholes and take a few wrong turns to get to happiness. Sometimes you’re cruising along happy as can be, and out of nowhere, everything goes up in flames. But those moments of happiness are worth the pain. They’re worth every bit of it. So, what do I think you should do? I think you have to figure out what happiness means to you, and you have to unapologetically do that. In the words of the great philosopher, Dolly Parton, ‘Find out who you are and do it on purpose.’ I think you get to be a little selfish, Liv. That’s what I think. I also think if I ever see Benton Wyatt again, I will kill him with my bare hands.”
