‘Of course.’ He glances at me, storm dark, then leaves the room. I didn’t imagine the flash of hurt in his eyes. I feel like shit. I’m such a coward.
‘Do you really not know who you want?’ My mother rises, a shimmer of red silk, and comes over to me. I wish I could fall into her arms and weep. Instead, I shrug, looking away.
‘Emelia.’ My mother takes my hands in her cool grasp. ‘Talk to me. What are you so worried about?’
‘I don’t want war.’ The words spill out, her kindness unleashing my fear.
‘What?’ She pulls me, gently, to sit with her on the sofa. ‘The Challenge has been averted. You don’t need to worry about that.’
‘It’s just a matter of time before the next thing. I’m human and, no matter what I do, I’ll never be good enough for some people. I just think Joaquin is a good choice for me. He’s strong. He’s an heir, like me. And he’s vampire.’
A line appears between my mother’s brows. ‘But?—’
‘Yes, Lion are here tonight, but you know Anbesa won’t agree with what I want to do. Thanks to Mistral and the stupid North Wind, killing his son. Scorpion haven’t bothered to show up. Having Jaguar on our side means things will be balanced. If I’m going to choose anyone as a consort, it will probably be him. He makes the most sense.’
‘Choosing a consort does not have to be about sense.’
‘Oh my God.’ I drop my head back, groaning. ‘Is this about how when you met Father you knew he was the one, and how romantic it all was?’
‘Yes, and no. I understand you wanting a strong mate, but Ravenarepowerful, Emelia. We took North America from Jaguar. We also have substantial holdings, the fealty of the families, and garrisons filled with loyal guards across the realm keeping our borders secure. We’re more than strong enough to hold our own, should we need to. Youknowthis already. Don’t let fear guide your choices.’
‘But we’d be stronger with him.’
My mother lifts one shoulder. ‘Would we? You don’t have to marry someone to create an alliance. There are other pathways to diplomacy. But what you cannot do is string him along.’
‘I don’t want to do that.’
‘Michael has declared himself, and I’d be happy to entertain his suit, if that’s what you want. But you’re still so young. There’s plenty of time for you to find the one you love.’
‘I’m also human. I’m not going to live for ever.’
‘Neither am I.’ Her hand smooths my hair, sorrow in her dark gaze. ‘Vampires die, eventually. Or go into the darkness.’
‘Into the darkness?’
‘Retreat from the world, entomb ourselves. Only the very old ones do this, as they can survive not feeding for so long.’ She pauses. ‘I don’t want to go into the dark. I want to live, with you and Aleks. I want to watch you thrive. See you happy in your life, and your love. I’m the Raven by birth, just as you are. A role thrust upon me, without choice. But you, and your father, are both things I’ve chosen for myself. And you are both, by far, my greatest joy. I want nothing more than for you to know that happiness, too. So don’t give your choices away, not when you don’t have to.’
She kisses me, her hands gentle on my shoulders. A tear rolls down my cheek. Of course I want what she and my father have, the kind of love where you can’t bear to be apart, where you support and complement each other. She’s right. There’s time for me to find that.
‘You will be the Raven,’ my mother continues. ‘And that is enough.Youare enough, by yourself.’
‘He came back for me, you know.’
‘What?’
‘Michael. He knew what his brothers were trying to do and that putting himself forward as an option for lieutenant was the only way to keep me safe.’
My mother says nothing for a moment. ‘It’s clear he cares for you. And you care for him, too.’
I nod. It’s not like she hasn’t just seen the evidence with her own eyes, anyway.
‘Are you drinking the tea?’
‘Mother! I haven’t … we’re not…’ My mother recently switched my regular tea from peppermint to ginger and rue. When I asked her why, I nearly died when she told me it was birth control, one used by humans for a long time, to varying results. Apparently, it’s very effective for vampires and, as I have vampire blood, it should be the same for me.
‘You don’t have to choose anyone yet,’ she says. ‘But it’s good to be prepared. Come on. Let’s go back.’ She stands, pulling me with her, linking our arms.
‘Wait.’
