I know. I have bigger issues at the moment. But that… well. My shaking subsides and I roll over onto my back. When I open my eyes Kyle is leaning over me.
‘S-sorry,’ I croak.
‘I’m sorry, too,’ he says, sorrow in his silver eyes. ‘Sorry you had to see that.’
I roll my head from side to side. ‘I asked you to take me.’ The image of the boy, the fear in his eyes and Mistral ripping him apart, flashes into my head and I start crying again, snuffling and huffing out breaths, my back arching against the cold leaves.
Kyle gathers me close, one hand stroking my hair. ‘Hush now,’ he says, his lips soft on my cheek. ‘Let me take you home.’
I clutch his jacket. ‘I can’t go back there,’ I say.
‘What?’
‘Don’t make me go back there.’
‘What are you talking about? C’mon, Emelia, we need to get out of the woods. There could be Reaper gangs out tonight.’
I don’t care. I’m drowning anyway. What’s one death compared to another, compared to the twenty I just witnessed at the hands of my family.
‘I don’t want to be Raven.’ The words spill from me.
Kyle’s eyes widen. He shakes me, gently. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I don’t want it!’ My voice rises. ‘All it seems to mean is death and sorrow and responsibility, choices I don’t want to have to make, dealing with people like Mistral, that murdering bastard! I don’t want any of it!’ I’m sobbing again, my throat raw. ‘You saw them, you saw what they just did! Those people weren’t rebels, they were just humans, like me. How can I be part of something like that?’
Kyle’s arms tighten around me. ‘I know,’ he says. ‘I know.’ There’s a tinge of blood in his silver eyes, and I can feel tremors running through him. ‘But I have to take you home tonight.’
I push at him. ‘Aren’t you listening to me? I can’t go back there! I don’twantthat life anymore!’ Sorrow rakes me, acid sharp, at the thought of my mother, my beautiful gentle mother, unleashing death. The hands that cradled me, killing some other woman’s child. ‘I had… I have a plan, I-I need y-your help to get away and we can just…’
‘A plan?’
‘To go to the Safe Zone. And then keep moving. Live my life as a human so I don’t… so I’m not…’ I choke up again.
‘Shhh.’ Kyle strokes my hair, staring into the night. I wonder what he can see.
‘Where can we go?’ I’m so tired. I just want to get into bed and stay there forever. I hope there’s somewhere nearby.
‘I have to take you home,’ he says again. ‘Wait—’ he grabs my hand ‘—just listen to me. This isn’t just about us.’
‘Please,’ I whisper. ‘Please help me.’
He kisses me, gentle. ‘Do you really not want it? To be Raven? Even with all you could be?’ His gaze is intent on me, a line between his eyebrows.
I nod.
‘I’ll help you, then. But not tonight. Nick is still on the estate, as is Janine.’
I frown. Then I remember. Nick, the guard who helped us. And Janine must be the blood dancer whose dress I’m wearing. I look down.
‘Yes,’ Kyle says. ‘Exactly. We have to go back tonight, before they get caught.’ He touches my face, his hand trailing along my cheek.
I nod. ‘All right. And then we leave. If you’ll take me.’
‘I’ll take you,’ he murmurs, kissing me again. ‘But we have to do it properly. So let me take you home now, and then we can plan.’
‘Y-you promise?’ My teeth are chattering again, and I’m finding it hard to form the words. ‘You’ll help me escape?’
‘If it’s what you truly want.’ He seems sad for a moment, his gaze dropping. ‘Wherever you want to go, wherever you want to be, I’ll go there and be there with you. But now, we need to go home.’
