‘I beg your pardon?’ If and when I want to feed, I’ll tell him. Not before.
His brows draw together. ‘I have to ask.’
‘No, you don’t.’
His frown deepens, a ripple in his smooth brow. ‘Fine.’ He snaps the word out, then takes up a position to the left of my door, his back to the wall. ‘I have to stay here,’ he says, with a fierce glance at me. ‘Unless that’s wrong too?’
What the hell? He won’t last long as my guard if he thinks he can act like that. I huff out a breath and stalk into my room, slamming the door shut and dropping the bolt. Like it would make a difference to him, or to anyone.
I flick the light switch on. Golden light pools along my bed, highlighting the tapestry cover, the cushions, the carved wooden panels lining the fortified stone walls. It slides along the velvet curves of the sofa by the window, the mahogany gleam of my dressing table and chair, reflecting in the black mirror of my television. My room is a calm place, somewhere I can relax. Usually. But not tonight.
I cannot do this. Even though it’s just an outing to a local club, it’s a step closer to who I’m supposed to be. But not who I want to be.
All I’ll do is embarrass my family name, my parents. A human, thinking they can lead Raven. It would be funny if it wasn’t so ridiculous.
Plus, I have to go with Kyle, who seems to hate me already. Who does he think he is, speaking to me like that? I pace back and forth, trying not to think about his body against mine, the cool violet of his breath on my skin. I don’t know why I can’t just keep Bertrand as my guard.
I flick on the TV, trying not to scream. It’s mid-stream, one of my favourite shows. A boy and a girl, both about my age, sit at a table together outside, talking. Light gleams from the planes of his face, from her bright eyes, dancing through the leaves of trees. My anger slides away, replaced by sorrow.
I used to try and ignore the fact I was going to be Raven, as though it might go away if I didn’t think about it too much. When it became clear it wasn’t going anywhere, I knew I had to act.
I have everything I could ask for, except the one thing I truly want. A human life lived in sunlight and warmth, instead of cool shadows. Like the lives I see in the old movies I watch, alone in my room. Somewhere I fit in, rather than being a liability, a monstrous throwback. An impossible dream, I used to think.
But now I have a plan.
I willnotbe the next Raven.
ChapterTwo
DATE NIGHT
‘What will you wear?’
My mother, her hands clasped together, surveys the contents of my wardrobe. She turns, her long skirts swirling, deep red like her lips. They look even darker in the dim light of my room, the electric candle-lamp on its lowest setting. Vampires can’t really tolerate anything stronger.
‘I don’t know.’ And I don’t care, either. When I was small I used to like getting dressed up for events with my parents, putting on the small coronet, blurring my eyes in the mirror to pretend I looked like my mother. Now I’d rather be almost anywhere else.
What is the point?I want to scream the words, but instead I sit there, rage churning in my stomach, as my mother keeps rummaging through my cupboard.
‘You don’t know? How about this? Or this one?’ The hangers rattle as she tosses dresses towards the bed. I wrap my arms around my knees, wishing I could burst into flames or disappear somehow. I may not have a choice about going out. But I refuse to pretend I’m happy about it.
‘I feel like some things are missing,’ my mother says, rifling through the hangers. ‘Didn’t I get you a black velvet shirt last month? Where is it?’
‘In the laundry, I think?’ I’m lying. I hope she can’t tell.
‘How about this, then?’ She holds up a dress I never wear. It’s short and tight and dark green. ‘You’ll look great in it.’
‘Mother!’ The word comes out as a snarl.
Her face falls. She comes to sit on the bed, putting the dress carefully on top of the others. She reaches for my hand, her fingers cool and satin smooth.
‘I don’t want to do this,’ I say, trying to remain calm. ‘I won’t know anyone, other than Stella.’
‘Which is why you should go.’
Sadness descends on me, smothering my anger. ‘Am I the only one?’
The question that haunts me, through my lonely days. The idea of someone else like me out there, blood borne but not vampire. Someone who cannot be changed, even if they wanted to be, the blood magic already in their veins. Someone who doesn’t belong anywhere. It’s why they kill babies like me. Because we’re useless. My fingers rub across the scars on my wrist. Their counterpart is etched into my soul.
