I don’t want to film today. My head is pounding from all the crying I did last night. I’m dehydrated, and I’ve got a big stunt today. This isn’t how I want to feel going into filming one of those.
With a sigh, I push myself out of the plush bed and head to the attached bathroom. When I flick on the lights, I hazard a glance in the mirror, nervous to see if I look as bad as I feel. By some miracle, my eyes aren’t completely puffy, just a little red-rimmed. Nothing that some time in the makeup chair can’t fix. Hopefully, Priscilla can work her magic today.
My stomach lets out a growl, and I stare down resentfully. After everything I saw yesterday, the last thing I need is breakfast today, so I vow to go without. Instead, I swallow a few of the caffeine pills, hoping an extra one will give me the extra energy I need to get through this day.
As I scrub at my face, I press the facecloth down a little more aggressively than I need to, hoping that I can wipe away the feeling of misery that clings to me. I try to give myself a pep talk to keep this day from going completely sour before it’s barely even started, but it’s not working.
A light knocking at the bedroom door sounds, and I head over, cautiously cracking it open.
“Hey,” Roman says, his voice gravelly with sleep.
My heart clenches, remembering how it sounded the same yesterday when we woke up in one another’s arms. Thinking about everything we did on the trip has my stomach in knots.
What the hell was I thinking, hooking up with Roman? I couldn’t have been more than a warm body to him. The closest, most accessible thing. Of course he’d sleep with me right now, especially when he can’t risk sleeping with anyone else and blowing this whole ruse. Of course, it meant nothing. Why would he ever want me? If those comments are anything to go by, no one should ever want me.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
“Mhmm,” I nod my head, refusing to make eye contact with him. That lasts for all of about a second before I feel his hand under my chin, tilting my face toward his so that he can see into my eyes.
Before he asks again, I swat his hand and jerk away from the contact.
“Give me a minute and we can head to the studio.” I shut the door rather unceremoniously in his face, unwilling to talk about why I’m feeling the way that I am. I need a little time, and I can pull it together and put on the persona I need to in order to get through today.
“Actually, you know what–I’ll meet you there. I need a little more time.” I call through the door.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, Roman, go.” I bite out. I don’t want to sit in the car with him and have him prod at me. I need to center myself. Tanya would shit a brick if she knew I was in a crappy headspace before filming our stunt today.
Roman doesn’t respond, but when I press my ear to the door, I don’t hear movement for a few seconds, as if he’s debating saying something else. Eventually, I hear the telltaleshuffling and a door opens and closes in the distance. The distance feels more than physical as he walks away.
Chapter Forty-Nine
ROMAN
Idon’t know what the fuck Clover’s problem is this morning, but seeing her like that has a rock sitting in my stomach. It was obvious she’d been crying at some point, and for some reason that thought feels unbearable to me. I wanted to reach out and grab her, pull her into a hug and reassure her that whatever was bothering her was something we could figure out, but she didn’t give me that opportunity. She shut me out. Literally and figuratively.
My mood is abysmal by the time I reach the studio lot, the bright stars of the arch doing nothing to lighten my mood as I drive underneath them. Security waves me in, and I do my best to smile and wave, but it’s forced today.
With a sigh, I put the car in park and take a deep breath. Getting my shit in gear is a nonnegotiable; we’re filming a big jump stunt today, probably one of the ones I’m most nervous for. I need to get my head straight and focus on the task at hand–getting through this stunt and putting on a good show while being a good team member for everyone around me.
But God damn what I wouldn’t give for a cigarette right now. The warm air in my lungs giving that familiar burn todistract me from thinking about Clover and whatever the fuck is bothering her. Surely it’s not her roommate situation? I know dragging her back to my place was a little over the top, but there’s no way I could have her staying at her apartment. Not with the paparazzi camped out and definitely not with her roommate being a leak to the media. Besides, she seemed fine enough until late last night.
“Get it together, Everett,” I mutter to myself before getting out of the car. Begrudgingly, I head over to my trailer for a few minutes of peace before I’m needed in hair and makeup.
The space is modern and devoid of any personal effects, but it gets the job done when I need a quick nap or some privacy after a long session of filming. To distract myself, I pull out the script and the stunt plan, meticulously going over every detail to ensure I know my shit.
When I look down at my watch, I can see that it’s quarter to five–the hair and makeup team will be expecting me any minute. Stepping out of my trailer, the sky is still dark, but there’s a glow coming from Clover’s trailer nearby. Of course, she’s already here. The timing of it turns my stomach sour. We could’ve easily come together today–but for some reason she clearly doesn’t want to be around me.
In Napa, I felt like things had shifted. A realization lands like a gut-punch; maybe it only changed for me, and she still thinks the same of me as before.
Sitting in the makeup chair, I do my best not to think of Clover, but it’s nearly impossible when she steps into the trailer for her own hair and makeup. Her eyes meet mine in the mirror, and she gives a quick little nod of acknowledgement before scurrying over to one of the further chairs, where her makeup artist gets to work.
Christ, she’s not even sitting in the chair nearest me.
“Here you go, man.” Gus draws my attention away fromClover to where he’s standing, a steaming cup of coffee in hand.
“Thanks, you have no idea how much I need this,” I admit.
