“Hello?” Her voice seems far away; it’s riddled with a rustling, and I can’t tell if it is real or just in my head. There’s a rustling and it’s loud, it’s roaring, maybe shouting, no idea, but it’s loud, so loud that I can’t stand it. Just her voice; it’s barely there, a distant, dull sound,as if coming from shore, and I was out there, real deep beneath the water. “Is, umm, everything okay?”
I gasp for breath. With the memories the word has brought up, I feel bile making its way up into my throat.
A figure skater.
“There’s no job for you,” I stammer. I’m dizzy. The brightly colored snowsuits of the people around us turn into a single mosaic.
“Umm. Okaaay. And why not?”
“Because.”
She crosses her arms across her chest. “Do you already have someone? I’m better. I can prove it. Give me a chance. A test. I’ll show you that I can train the up-and-comers. Iamassertive.”
My eyes flit to the swelling in her face and stay put. She notices. Of course she does. That is exactly what I aimed to achieve. I know that it isn’t right. I know that she’ll think I’m the biggest asshole in the United States. Maybe I am; who knows? But at the moment I don’t see any other way of keeping her at a distance.
A figure skater.
“I doubt it.”
She gasps. The shock in her face is deep. A blaze that’s impossible to miss fills her large eyes.
I can’t say that it doesn’t affect me.
“You’re obnoxious, Knox.” Her expression is full of disgust. She shakes her head. “Repellent.” And with that, she turns and goes.
All the sounds around me fade into the background.
I don’t know how much longer I stand there, watching her go. I only know that I’m still there once she has long disappeared from sight.
4
Lost Boy
Paisley
I wake up ten minutes before my alarm rings. My stomach is tingling, and my heart is racing. It feels just like when I have an event; it’s just that today doesn’t have anything to do with a medal.
Today is my first official day at iSkate. I’m going to sign my contract. A contract watched over by the sword of Damocles from the very beginning, waiting for me to do myself in.
Don’t think about it, Paisley.
The lilac-scented sheets rustle as I turn onto my side. I ball the pillow together to bury my face and allow my quivering breaths to die down. I kick the comforter to the end of the bed, swing myself up, and turn on the lamp on the nightstand.
It’s early. Shortly before six. Between the slats of the window blinds, I can see the moonlight illuminating the dancing snowflakes, as if the sky was their stage. They remind me of myself, bringing back images from long ago. I see myself as a child, with a dazzling smile, in a cheap, secondhand figure-skating dress, following my first ever public ice dance. Every step was accompanied by a kind of magic that only I could see.
And that magic has remained. It’s my constant companion. Thepower that drives me forward. My best friend. The voice within me that courses through my veins with its prickly whispers and settles in my heart. The voice that tells me I have to fight if I don’t want to lose the magic.
I’ve got to hold onto it. And that’s why I don’t give up. That’s why I’m here.
With a soft swish the slat falls back into place when I pull back my hand and nervously make my way through the room to pull my training tights out of my bag. They’re underneath my other things, which is why I spontaneously decide to sort the few pieces in Aria’s spacious wardrobe.
I open the doors and stop short. Either Ruth’s daughter forgot a few things or…she’s a shopaholic. The pieces inside don’t exactly give the impression that their owner is on the other side of the country. There is hardly any space for my few things, and, ultimately, they end up in a disordered bundle between Aria’s shirts, hoodies, and tops. A miserable sight.
I’m about to close the door again when I notice a pair of Asics. I hesitate a moment before finally bending over and having a closer look.
Size 7. They don’t look like they’ve even been worn. I’d planned to go over there in my boots, but now that I’ve got the opportunity… I’m sure it wouldn’t bother Aria at all.
It’s only when I pull the shoes out that I notice the crumpled photo in the gap between the bottom of the wardrobe and the wall. I carefully pluck it out so that it doesn’t tear and have a look.
