I rummage around in my bag for my legwarmers and begin to sew. “What makes you think so?” I say, putting on an indifferent tone.
“For days you’ve avoided any discussion when his name pops up.”
That I can’t deny. So I don’t say anything and choose to ignore her instead. Gwen starts throwing Skittles at my head. I manage to avoid most of them, but one hits my ear and, being small, manages to find its way in.
“Great,” I hiss while trying to fish it back out. Levi and Aarondouble up laughing. I think Bing Crosby may very well become my new best friend. “We kissed.”
“You’re not serious!” At the wordseriousGwen slams both of her palms on the arms of the chair. She scoots forward a bit, her eyes wide, hoping to learn everything. Her expression reminds me of Kaa, the snake inThe Jungle Book. “Tell me everything!”
I prick myself with the needle and curse. “There’s nothing to tell. He made me hot chocolate, and we hung out. Then there was the kiss, and when I noticed that it was all a bit strange, I stopped things.”
My finger on my lips, I get up to grab a tissue from Gwen’s desk. She watches every move I make with Argus eyes and when I turn to go back to my seat, she blocks my way with one of her Frodo socks. “Are. You.Nuts?”
“What?”
“That’s not how Knox Winterbottom comes on to women! Women come on tohim, he sleeps with them, and that’s that. But he made you a hot chocolate, Paisley, ahot chocolate! Do you realize what that means?”
“Umm. I’ve got the feeling that you want me to give you some deep answer or something, but, well…it’s just hot chocolate…”
“It’s love!” she cries, jumping up out of her chair and throwing her arms into the air. “Holy Mary, Mother of God, Knox hasfeelingsfor you!”
“Okay, Gwen, you’re crazy. Your rabbit is afraid of you. Do you see that? Bing Crosby is distraught.”
“Knox has feelings for you, and you pushed him away.” Gwen grabs a huge jawbreaker off her desk that, judging by its appearance, she’s been working on for a while and begins to suck it. “But we’ll get it straightened out.”
“You’re going to have to brush your teeth afterward, Gwen, that thing is pure sugar.”
“He’s going to be there, too.”
“Who?”
“Knox.”
“What about him?”
“He’s going to be there,” she repeats, licks her jawbreaker, and raises her eyebrows at me. “At the party.”
I moan. “Guys, can youpleaseget Gwen under control?”
“Naw.” Levi doesn’t even look up as he ties his skates. “No chance.”
Aaron shrugs, a bemused smile on his face. “Tried and failed many times. Dear, you’re at her mercy.”
“Paisley!” Gwen grabs my shoulders and shakes me, causing her jawbreaker shift in her hand and stick to my skin. “Listen. You pushed him away, which means he’ll come back. One hundred percent. And that’s why you really need to consider what’s going on between the two of you!”
I want to say something, but Gwen puts her hand across my mouth to stop me. “Thereissomething there. Before you lose your job for having your heart broken and he fucks you over, or he hashisheart broken because you’re stringing him along and going to drop him, you really need to think things over.”
What’s going on between the two of us. That’s it exactly. We’re not awe. We’re not ahe and I. It’s just something that’sgoing on. Ever since the first night, the two of us have acted as if nothing happened. Somehow it’s okay. It’s just like that between Knox and me. Somehow okay. It’s not what I’d really like, but I need it to be this way.
The music is loud. We can already hear it as we’re leaving downtown and taking the snow-covered path to Buttermilk Mountain. Additional lanterns—probably from William—have been set up, their gas lights almost swallowed by the deep snow. My attempt to avoid thinking about Knox has failed. A nerve-racking tingle is running through my fingertips and making my heart beat faster. Notbecause I’m going to see him. I do that every day at the resort. But because he will see me on the ice. On Silver Lake. That’s where I saw him crying. Where I got to know therealKnox. I wonder why that is. Why he makes such an effort to keep people from seeing what’s really going on inside of him. Maybe for the same reasons as me. Maybe he’s scared. Maybe he wants to forget.
“Earth to Paisley.” Gwen is waving her pink-dotted glove in front of my face. “You still with us?”
Looking up I have to blink twice to make out the backdrop. I almost stumble over one of the gas lights or my own foot, I don’t know which, but I’ve got to grab Levi’s arm.
He laughs. “Everything all right?”
I nod as my eyes wander, trying to take in every centimeter of this winter wonderland. “I think this is the most beautiful place I’ve ever been.”
