“It’s all good,” Knox says, walking forward. He looks at me briefly. “My new chalet girl just wanted to show us hownimbleshe can be.”
The way he speaks about me, as if I wasn’t even there, freezes the blood in my veins. I feel like I’ve been degraded into a meaningless object that Knox Winterbottom possesses. As if he had complete power over me. As ifsomeone,anyone, still had power over me.
Without replying, I crouch down and gather up the pieces. It’s humiliating because I know Knox is looking down on me. But it was my mistake, and it would be a lack of respect to expect Kate to clean this up. Without looking up, I stand up and dump the shards in the trash. I grab my jacket, toss my training bag over my shoulder, and leave the diner, my cheeks aflame.
Gwen follows me. I can hear her steps in the snow. “Okay,” she says, panting softly as she catches up to me, “either you lied to me and something isdefinitelygoing on between you and Knox or…you’ve got to go to the can. I’ve never seen someone take off thatquickly.”
“I’ve got to go to the can?” I repeat as we turn the corner and Gwen drags me over to her Jeep.
“Yeah, the can.”
I look at her without understanding.
She rolls her eyes and opens the trunk. “Go to the toilet?”
“Oh, my God. No!” Disgusted, I make a face, throw my things into the back, and go to the passenger side. “Neither of the two. Knox…or the other. Let’s just go to the rink, okay?”
“Fine. But,” she nods in the direction of the diner while opening the door of the Jeep and sinking behind the wheel, “we’ve got to talk about what just happened there. Otherwise, it’s going to go real bad.”
I close the door and look at her. “What do you mean?”
Gwen casts me a sympathetic glance, switches on her turn signal, and reverses. “Let’s just hope I’m wrong. Knox is hot. But he is… I don’t know. Like forbidden fruit. He’s not good for people. Not healthy.”
“That’s clear,” I say. “It doesn’t interest me. I mean,” I point my finger back over my shoulder, “did you not catch any of that back there?”
Gwen purses her lips. “Of course, Paisley. I’m just wondering if we didn’t observe two totally different situations.”
I think about her words for a long time. So long that I am unable to say anything until we reach iSkate. The whole time I have to wonder what I see in Knox. What he triggers in me.
The problem is that I feel two things: affection and distance. Knox could be the lighthouse in the night or the storm over the roaring waves. I’m afraid of trusting the light, of getting closer to it, of feeling safe only, right at the edge of hope, to be torn down into the depths.
13
Sound of Silence
Paisley
Training was hard. For some reason I cannot fathom that Polina seems to think I am ready for a triple axel.
The triple axel! I can just about pull off the simple one with perfect form now. I can land the double, too, but on really unsure legs and not without some balance issues. So how on earth am I supposed to pull off the triple? That’s why today’s training wasn’t exactly all that great, and my mood could certainly be better.
“You coming along to the diner?” Gwen asks.
Levi is holding open the iSkate door for me, and the icy wind immediately cools my shower-warm cheeks.
“I’d be happy to,” Aaron says. He runs a hand across his stomach. “I could eat a bear. Levi?”
“Wherever you go, I will follow.” The glances the two share are heartwarming.
I look at my watch. “I’ve got about an hour, then I’ve got to start cooking dinner for the tourists.”
“Oh, right, today’s your first day at the resort!” Gwen gives an excited squeak. We walk over to her Jeep, and she raises her hand toward Aaron and Levi, who are already standing by their own car.
“Yep.” My instep hurts from all the unsuccessful jumps. I lean over and undo my laces as Gwen starts the engine. “And I would happily stay here all night practicing the triple axel rather than helping out at Knox’s party later.”
“Ughhh.” She drives out of the parking lot and shoots me a glowing look from the corner of her eye. “You excited?”
“No. Why should I be?”
