“Yes. More to the point, you likely know things about Ton members that I do not. Whilst I host those crazy parties every summer, I do not see the details of their orders. And I certainly do not know who buys from you here in London. I’m sure some of their choices would shock me.”
Robert considered Lady Charlotte’s order when she was married to Edward’s older brother, Charles. Evan was aware of that as he’d directed the lady to Robert, but there were many similar intimate preferences that only Robert and the couple—and mayhap their servants—knew. Then there was the recovering bully at Whites, and Edward. And Evan’s mother’s illness, which was also a well-kept secret.
“Look,” Evan said rather forcefully. “Secrets can be kept. That is my only point. But you have every right to choose how private you want your life. Beth has a particular kind of bravery. Why do you think that is?”
Robert frowned and said, “Because she does not care what others think.”
“I think ’tis more bravado than bravery,” his friend shook his head. “She is so damned smart and so loving. But she is easily hurt, too. So she puts on a show with outlandish behavior and pushes people away before they can reject her. Sometimes I wonder why she continues to help so many titled nabobs who have been mean to her. The size of her heart is amazing.”
“I agree—”
“But,” Evan cut in over him. “You, too, are brave. ’Tis simply a different sort of courage. You create masterpieces of a nature that would bring horrific backlash should the wrong people discover your work. You needn’t even work, much less expand, but here you are considering it. Yes, ’tis a passion project. Why? And why have you contemplated how to make pieces more affordable? Because you believe every couple deserves happiness.”
Robert took a breath to reply, but Evan held up a finger.
“You and Beth are not so different, after all. You both believe in sexual freedom, you both are zealous in helping people find joy, and you both want someone to accept and love you as you are. There are worse starts to relationships.”
Robert stared, silent. Sometimes he forgot how insightful Evan was because of his friend’s lighthearted nature. Until he said something like this.
Could it truly be that simple? Did she push me away for fear of rejection?
Dunce, she as much as said that’s what she was doing. You simply couldn’t see it over your own anxiety.
Evan did not stop there, however. “My next question is one we both know the surface answer to. I want you to think about it with fresh eyes, so to speak. Why are you so focused on your privacy?”
Robert grimaced and sent him a glare.
“I know, I know.” Evan raised his hands placatingly. “Why now, though? Why still? No one can hurt you. You do not need alliances for the House of Lords.” He ticked each thought off on his fingers as he itemized them. “You’ve more blunt than half the Ton. You’ve not gone out of your way to garner a larger circle of friends, so I imagine you have the friends you want. When and if you marry, you’ll do so for love and want a quiet life, much as you have now. So why do you still care what others think of you? Or is it more a habit than anything?”
Robert’s thoughts whirled like a cyclone. He almost felt dizzy with them. Evan’s intelligence was hard to keep up with at the best of times, but when he was putting forth insights about Robert’s psyche, it was overwhelming. His thoughts also kept returning to Rose’s marriage and mental health cut short. If there was ever a reason to take happiness where one found it, her example was better than most.
He mumbled his thanks and goodbyes to his friend, then wandered home in a daze.
Would his life really change if Ton biddies found fault with the way he looked, dressed, or designed leather? It would still hurt, and he did not wish to partake in Beth’s outlandishness behavior, but with his friends and her by his side, mayhap he could ignore the gossips for the most part, just as he did now.
Damnation. Peaches was right—or at least more right than he’d been.
****
Robert was still contemplating how to approach Beth as he strolled to his next meeting with Cooper and Follett. Sending her one of his pieces or even one of Follett’s would not demonstrate any readiness to handle the public. Nor did he have a coherent plan for either showing comfort or becoming comfortable. He supposed it took practice, like most things. He only knew that being with her was more important than what others thought or said.
With Beth on his mind, he sidetracked past Penelope’s bakery to indulge his sweet tooth. As though he’d conjured her, Beth stood outside the bakery door.
Focused on his thoughts, he took a minute to notice that two Ton matriarchs blocked the door. He narrowed his eyes at them, trying to recall their titles. They were not part of the set that flirted with propriety and attended demi-monde parties in the off-season. These ladies were all about respectability.
He slowed. These were the female equivalent of the bullies he’d experienced at school and were exactly the type of people he preferred to avoid.
Then he heard one sniff and exclaim, “Don’t you feel that dress is a little low-cut for daytime, dear?” Her voice was as sweet as any of Penelope’s confections, but her expression belied that tone. Mouth pinched, she’d lifted her chin as though Beth’s bountiful bosom offended her.
Beth laughed.
How can she laugh?But the laugh sounded forced to his ears, so attuned to all things Peaches.
“Are you out alone, dear?” The other woman chimed in, peering around for Beth’s maid.
The “dears” grated on Robert’s nerves. He caught sight of Beth’s balled fists buried in her skirts and worried there might be a brawl.
Without further thought, he stepped up beside her.
