Of course you do, I thought darkly.
There was laughter from the beach, and we both turned to seethe corkanut high in the air, the lop-ball players racing about to catch it when it fell. They looked happy and free, and my heart ached at the sight of them, lesser now without Cable and Dion.
“They are a fine crew,” the captain said, his gaze softening as he watched them play. “I regret that Bilgetown cost us two.”
“Bilgetown?” I asked. “Or you?”
He glowered at me but said nothing. I met his gold-flecked eyes, held them, did not retreat.
“Tell me their deaths were worth it,” I said. “Tell me you needed theNil’hellyn.”
“I needed theNil’hellyn.”
Not even a beat missed. I stepped closer, feeling my skin burn as I did.
“You’re a good captain,” I said. “They love you. They’ll follow you anywhere. Don’t take that for granted.”
“I take nothing for granted, Aro’el,” he said. “Not life. Not death. Not duty nor service nor the wretched requirements of command.”
I bit my tongue, desperate to believe him.
“So, there was a reason?”
“There was a reason.”
I nodded, looked down. My bare toes. His black boots.
“One day, I will tell you,” he said, his voice weary. “But that is not today.”
Shouts rose up from the lop-ball game, and we both turned to watch the corkanut high in the air above them.
“And they respect me as one should a commanding officer,” he said. “It is not love.”
“Well, they hate me.”
“They have all sacrificed much to belong to theTouchstone,” he said. “And are wary of the Navy.”
“I’m not Navy,” I said. “I wear a ring, like the rest of them.”
He smiled now, and I knew he was sad.
“You carve your own path, Aro’el,” he said. “But that does make it lonely.”
“Better lonely than left.”
“We’re always alone,” he said. “Just sometimes, alone together.”
I gazed up at him.
“Alone together,” I echoed.
I was about to say something more, but suddenly Thanavar’s hand shot out, palm wide, fingers taut, just inches from my face. I blinked. The corkanut was frozen in midair, caught by a swiftKinestorum.
“Hels’ hooks,” I muttered. “That was close.”
He turned his hand, and it settled into his palm.
“Sorry!” came a voice, and Neale jogged up, glanced between his captain and me. “Sorry, Blue. We wasn’t trying to clock you. Honest.”
