Lizzy could not avoid James Hamilton’s gaze while watching the estate she had grown to love, and a lone figure standing in the window like a sentinel at her departure, fade in the distance.
Chapter 22
December 17th, 1810
Hertfordshire
The morning frosthad settled on the dead branches in the orchards and the only sound challenging the babbling of the stream was Lizzy’s footsteps crunching through the grass. It had been almost two weeks since her return to Longbourn, and she was just as confused as when she had left Pemberley. Her feelings were as they had always been, but she had pushed the yearnings of her heart aside to concentrate on her sister’s wedding and the inevitable proposal of Mr. Hamilton.
She had not seen him since his carriage had deposited them in London before they returned to Longbourn. He had spoken to no one, save her father, on the journey home. He had excused himself at the coaching inns, and even Mrs. Bennet, with her minimal powers of observation, asked why Mr. Hamilton was avoiding her. She had been lost in her own misery and had not paid much heed to his inattentions.
He was expected today for the wedding, and her mother would not be pleased if she was out wandering through the woods and not preparing for his arrival.I am sure there has been another woman in history who has not looked with joy upon her own proposal. Like… Poor Charlotte… In reading her letters, I have realized she has married a man who she cannot respect but has accepted instead of the consequences of spinsterhood. Could I do that? Would I rather be the old, maiden aunt?
She knew the answer to that, but it was a ridiculous notion, because this was James.No, Jimmy Hamilton!Who she grew up with and played with as a child. He knew her and valued her, and she valued him as well…
He does not make me feel as William does. “Stop this!” She berated herself throwing her hands down at her side and increased her pace.It is Mr. Darcy, the brother of your dear friend, who is preparing for his nuptials to Miss de Bourgh as we speak. You cannot think of him in any other way.She thought of the way his curl would fall over his forehead. His dimple that appeared from nowhere when he smiled.The way he held me when we danced at the Matlock ball… She sat down on a log and closed her eyes, resting her face in her palms.The way he kissed me in the hunting lodge and said my name as if he was drunk with love.
She allowed the emotions to course through her, she vowed again, for one last time, unable to resist if she had tried. Her shoulders sagged for a moment before she took a deep breath, straightened them and rose to return to Longbourn.You are not going to the guillotine, Elizabeth Bennet! You will survive this.
* * *
Darcy pulledUlysses up at the edge of the valley in Rosings. He had been riding hard for hours, and his dependable steed needed a respite. It had been a difficult week with Lady Catherine demanding more of his time and adulation than he was willing to give. His wounds were still too raw from both watching Miss Elizabeth’s carriage drive out of his life and into Hamilton’s, and the letter he had received from Bingley two days previous:
‘…The only regreton my wedding day is that you will not be there to share it with us, my friend. However, you may hear the effusions of my future mother as I have it on good authority that Mr. Hamilton will petition for Miss Elizabeth’s hand shortly after the wedding breakfast. Jane’s felicity will know no bounds as my new sister is eager to accept him…’
But it could beof no consequence to him. He was less than a week away from marrying Anne. She had proven to be quite pleasant, but he could almost attribute that to the presence of Fitzwilliam.I know how difficult this must be for him, but he is doing what he must for our family. I could not be at Ashby Park and prepare to watch Elizabeth wed Hamilton…maybe Fitzwilliam does not love Anne as I love Elizabeth?
Darcy bit the inside of his mouth and deigned to give his cousin the decency he deserved by forcing that thought from his mind. The sound of hoof beats behind him drew his attention, and the man in question was riding up to meet him.
“Darce, I have been looking for you for half an hour at least.”
“Yes, well, you have found me. I have been riding the estate grounds making notes of repairs. What troubles you, Fitzwilliam?”
He tightened his reins and maneuvered his horse alongside Darcy’s. “Nothing troubles me, but our aunt has summoned you to finalize wedding preparations.”
Darcy huffed with indignation. “How many plans does one need to marry? There must be a license, a wedding contract, and a parson. What more is required of me?”
Fitzwilliam stared out over the valley below. “There are others who would willingly take your place, Darcy, if you would like it to be so.”
The solemnity of the moment caused him to ask a question he promised himself never to voice. “Do you believe she loves you?”
Richard was still for a moment before stammering a response. “I am uncertain as to Anne’s true feelings for me. However, I know I could woo her since my only rival has made no attempt.” He watched as Darcy lowered his head at the hit, and then raised it again, facing the accusation ringing with truth. “I had hoped to secure her affection before a grave mistake was made.”
“Richard, I am sorry, but it is impossible. You must see that. I cannot disappoint the memory of my mother, no matter what feelings I may or may not have. Over time, surely my feelings will increase. But, until then…”
“Until then—” Fitzwilliam pulled his reins tighter and attempted to control his anger “—until then, I advise you to prepare for a life of misery. Not for you, Cousin. No, you will acclimate to whatever you choose and accept it as necessary to keep your beloved estate moving forward. But more importantly, a life of misery for Anne.”
Darcy sat taller in his saddle. “I thank you, Fitzwilliam, for your wishes of felicity and hope to see you at the happy event.”
Without another word, the colonel turned and rode off, leaving Darcy to stew in their conversation.
The idea that Anne does not love me—that she would not want to marry me!It is what is expected. Of course she would want to marry me.“Does she not?” He turned his horse in the opposite direction of Rosings and allowed him to walk freely amongst the meadow grasses while he pondered his cousin’s words.True, she wished to address our future at Pemberley, but she too must see we have responsibilities to our family. Regardless of our own feelings, I must continue down the path my mother prepared for me. His mind was resolute as he kicked Ulysses in the flanks and thundered across the meadow.
* * *
The soundof laughter and music filled the air of Longbourn that afternoon, as revelers drank to the health of the new bride and groom. Jane was resplendent in her new gown, the soft pink rosebuds sewn along the hem and bodice of the cream silk only added to her natural, joyful glow. The ceremony had been beautiful: the Reverend Smart—having baptized Jane as an infant—presided, the sun had shown brightly after fears of rain, and Miss Bingley had been silent the entire time. A small miracle.
The ladies of Longbourn had done their best to ensure preparation for an unforgettable ceremony, one which could have no rival for years to come. And as Jane and Bingley’s carriage left the gates of Longbourn toward Netherfield, Lizzy’s arm was entwined with that of Charlotte Lucas, who had been given leave by her husband to attend the event.
