Perhaps, with all this attention, Noah would forbid it. He might force her to stay in London. I felt bad for Lily. It must have been hard to be sent away from everything she knew. It made sense that she would want to come back, if only to be with her brother again. Now that she was an adult, she could make her own decisions. Of course, I was sure Noah wouldn't see it like that.
The more I thought about it, the more I wondered. Sending your little sister out of the country was a drastic move. Of course, Noah was a dramatic person, as much he would have liked to think otherwise. It couldn't have just been that he was afraid for her safety. Surely he could keep a better eye on her if she were closer. God knew what kind of things a teenaged girl could get up to living abroad, far away from home and without any adult supervision.
His mother had left him. He was glad she was gone. He felt guilty he was glad. He'd been through hell in foster care, never able to show weakness. He'd done everything he could to protect his little sister. Noah and Lily against the world.
He also believed he'd failed her.
I knew that when Noah felt vulnerable, he tended to lash out and make bad decisions. Could this have been one of them? Had sending Lily away been less about her safety and more about Noah's own personal issues?
He was such a complicated person. Of course, I'd always assumed that to be true. Listening to his lyrics as a teenager, I'd always felt that Noah Hart was full of contradictions. He could write such lovely words of adoration and devotion, just as easily as he could write words of fury and wrath. His songs, the meanings behind his lyrics, were never one-dimensional. That's why I felt he understood me.
I loved my mother.
I hated my mother.
I felt guilty over her suicide, felt like it was my fault.
I felt relieved I no longer had to take care of her.
I was sad she was gone.
I was happy she had finally found an end to her suffering.
So many conflicting emotions inside of me. So many feelings for a teenager to deal with. It was no wonder Darkest Days was my favorite band. The contradictions I felt inside were reflected in the lyrics of Noah Hart. Noah's words spoke to me. There was something inside of him that mirrored my own experiences. Love. Hate. Guilt. Relief. Noah understood me. And I understood him.
It wasn't just a fangirl infatuation.
I was in love with Noah Hart.
And I just knew that, underneath all that pain and distrust, Noah loved me back.
I just needed to get him to open up and trust me again.
After I'd made a decision to confront Noah, the only thing I had to decide was when and how. I didn't want to show up at his door and pound on it until he opened it. The Noah Hart I'd gotten to know would probably leave me out there for hours, until I got fed up and left.
When Naomi asked me to come back to the Etude Entertainment offices to talk about another potential contract, I knew I had to take the chance. I tried to subtly ask if Noah was going to be around.
"Maybe," Naomi said doubtfully. "He's been in a pissy mood lately."
"Would you mind asking him to come in, without telling him it's me who's asking?"
"Had another falling out?"
I cringed. Did Naomi know everything?
"I just need to talk with him and clarify a few things."
"I'll see what I can do."
When I arrived at the offices Naomi told me he was in the piano room. She'd asked him to play the song for her again. When I walked in instead of Naomi, Noah shot off the piano bench. His usual scowl immediately transformed, his face going expressionless.
"What are you doing here?" he asked, echoing the very first words he'd ever said to me.
"I wanted to talk to you."
"We have nothing to talk about."
"Yes we do. You know we do."
