17
Usually working at the pet shop was enough to take my mind off things when times were tough. People were always bringing in their dogs while they shopped, so I got to pet a multitude of cute furry animals. The owner donated part of his profit to rescue shelters, so I felt good working there, knowing I was helping make a difference in some small way.
But for the last few days my mind had been elsewhere. Between waiting for the doctor's appointment results, my parents fighting, and Nathan's continued silence…
I hadn't heard from him since that morning I'd left his apartment. No cute texts or offers to go on any adventures. All communication had been cut off.
I knew I'd hurt Nathan and I hated myself for it. I'd apologized, and he'd accepted it, but things were obviously still strained between us.
I tried to convince myself it was for the best. Things had been getting too serious. Slowing things down, even calling it quits, was always going to be how this ended.
Still. Even if there were no long-term prospects, Nathan was fun to be around. He had become something of a good friend. I was in short supply for those, and it seemed as if he was, as well.
I kept on thinking back to Tracey's words. I'd told her I didn't know exactly what to call the relationship between me and Nathan. I told her I didn't know what we were.
Do you know what you want to be?
I hadn't then, and I didn't now.
My mind kept going around in circles like that for days, never able to fully settle on one conclusion.
I spent the entire shift putting away stray products. It felt like a futile effort. Customers took things off shelves and left them in random places, non-stop. I would finally empty my cart of misplaced goods, only to find more of them as I wandered the aisles. It was mind-numbing and repetitive and left me plenty of time to worry about everything and anything.
I paused in the middle of one thought, finally paying attention to my work as I realized I was standing in front of the fancy cat tree I'd told Nathan about that day he'd come shopping. It made me think of Cleo. I wondered how she was. Had she warmed up to Nathan at all, or was she still skittish around him? I hoped she had continued eating after I'd convinced her to come out that one time. Nathan hadn't said anything about her since, so I had to imagine things were going okay.
The entryway bell jingled, signaling another customer. I looked up to welcome them.
Nathan stood in the doorway, hands in his pockets.
I stared at him, almost not believing what I was seeing. He was the last person I'd expected to walk through that door. Was he here to pick up more cat food or toys? Or maybe…
"Is there something wrong with Cleo?" I blurted.
His expression turned puzzled.
"No, she's fine," he said. "Why?"
"Oh, good," I said with relief. "I was worried something might have happened."
"I'm not here because Cleo's sick or anything." His lips twitched into a smile. "I don't need your cat whispering abilities anymore. I think she's finally taken to me. See?" He held out his smooth, calloused hand. "No scratches."
"I'm glad you two are getting along now."
I continued staring, not knowing what else to say. If he wasn't here for Cleo, then that meant he was here to see…
"I was wondering if you're free tonight," Nathan said casually, as if the answer didn't matter to him one way or another. "I've got this coupon for indoor skydiving."
"Since when do rock stars need coupons?" I asked.
"Gael keeps saying he wants to go," Nathan said, ignoring my comment, "but it's expiring soon, so I better use it. What do you think?" He looked at me, almost nervously. "Interested?"
I hesitated. I'd just spent the last few days agonizing over this very thing. Was getting close to Nathan a bad idea? I liked to think he was my friend. But what if we ended up becoming more than that? If things really did turn serious? How would he react when he found out about my heart defect? How would he react when he realized how much care and support I'd need, how muchworkwent into managing this?
Long nights in hospitals, test after test, always needing to act as my advocate when I wasn't well enough to speak up, looking after me when I couldn't take care of myself…
I'd never been okay with putting all those expectations on another person.
"I don't know," I said, hedging. "I'm not sure it's really my thing."
