"This is good," I said. "Thank you."
"There's lots more if you're still hungry."
"You should eat, too."
"I already had some."
We'd been reduced to inane small talk. My heart ached that I'd caused this to happen.
But maybe it was for the best.
Things had gotten real during our game ofTwo Truths and a Lie. Too real. I'd shared things with Nathan I'd never shared with anyone else. He'd done the same with me.
It had been moving. It had been thrilling. It had been scary.
I'd never felt closer to another person than I had in that moment.
"I'm sorry for laying all that shit on you last night," he said. "It's not your job to be my therapist or whatever."
"I'm glad you did," I said, surprising myself. But even as I said it, I knew it was the truth. "It felt good, being able to get those things off my chest."
"Yeah," was all he said in response.
As I continued to eat, we sat in silence, growing more uncomfortable with every moment.
When I'd eaten my last bite, Nathan spoke.
"I'll go get you your clothes. They're dry now. I've got to get down to the studio pretty soon."
I took that as my cue to leave and got dressed. I folded the blanket and left it on the sofa. Nathan was doing the dishes when I picked up my purse and made my way to the front door.
"Thanks for taking care of me last night," I told him.
I waited for him to say something, for him to tease me about being a lightweight, or to make plans for next time.
All I got was a simple, "No problem."
I wanted to say something before leaving, but I didn't know what.
Nathan's impassive face was the last thing I saw before I closed the door to his apartment.
I hated that look. Hated knowing that I might have ruined what we'd had between us, whatever that may have been.
Nathan had shown me kindness, friendship. He'd shown me adventure and excitement. He'd shown me care. He'd shown me tenderness.
And I'd thrown it back in his face.
I hated knowing that I'd hurt him.
Maybe it was for the best, him acting distant. We'd been getting too close. What had started out as just some fun was turning into something more.
Half of me wanted to believe Jessie's warning. Nathan would never intentionally hurt me, but I also knew how unlikely it was for him to ever get serious about someone.
But in those moments we'd shared together, I could almost believe he actually cared for me. Just like I was beginning to care for him.
Nathan Walker was the only person who'd made me feel alive in years.
But none of that mattered.
All that mattered was I'd promised myself I wouldn't let this happen.
For my sake, and for his.
