"Do you know why Nathan's been so out of it lately?" she asked. "He's always disappearing and he's cagey about where he's going. At first we thought he was sneaking off to see you, but usually when he comes back from seeing a girl he has this smug look on his face. He only looks more worried when he shows back up."
It was the same sort of questions Julian had asked me at that party. I didn't answer then, and I wasn't going to answer now. I clamped my mouth shut and darted my eyes away.
"So you do know," she said with a satisfied nod. "You know something about him that even Gael doesn't know. Which means Nathan trusts you." Jessie sighed and leaned heavily against the counter. "Look," she said. "There's something wrong with him. Even before you broke up with him, he was acting strange. We're all worried."
I bit my lip. Nathan had his reasons for not telling his band about his sick mother. He'd told me before that he didn't want to worry them, didn't want to distract them from the album.
But now I knew the real reason.
He was afraid the same thing that happened with his old band would happen with Cherry Lips. He worried they'd think he wasn't committed and they'd kick him out.
But now, without me there, Nathan had no one. He had no support. He was dealing with it all by himself.
I could still remember that time I'd seen Nathan at the hospital cafeteria. His back had been to me, but I saw his shoulders heaving, could see the shake of his hands as he clenched his coffee. I could see his red-rimmed eyes, could hear that hitch of his breath.
My heart ached for him even now.
If I hadn't shown up, how long would he have sat there, miserable and alone?
"Whatever's wrong with him," Jessie said, interrupting my thoughts, "we all just want to help. We love the guy. That band is like family."
Family.
Family wouldn't turn their backs on each other, would they?
"Do you know what happened with Nathan and his old band?" I asked.
"He left them to join Cherry Lips, didn't he? Why are you asking?" Jessie's mouth popped open in horror. "Is Nathan talking about leaving the band or something?"
"No! No, not at all."
She breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, good. It would destroy Gael if that happened. The other guys, too. Not to mention, Cerise would be crazy upset and freaking out."
"Really?" I asked, curious now. "Why?"
"Because he's a genius," Jessie said. "Cerise looked long and hard to find someone who could play guitar better than her. She hates to admit it, but that's Nathan Walker. The band would be missing something really special if they lost him."
"He is special," I agreed.
Jessie raised an eyebrow at me. "Then why did you break up with him?"
I folded my arms over my chest defensively, feeling like I was being interrogated for committing some heinous crime.
"That's a really personal question," I said.
"I know it is," she said. "But I'm asking it anyway."
"Things were just never going to work out between us," I said. "I needed to break it off."
"Needed to?" She jumped on the words. "Why would you need to?"
"I don't have to explain myself to you."
She nodded slowly. "No. You're right. You don't. But I've never seen him act like this before. He's like a zombie. He barely speaks. Barely eats. He looks like he hadn't slept in a week. Gael's freaking out. The band's freaking out."
Guilt threatened to eat me alive.
"I'm sorry about that," I said. "I really am."
