The heat that had pooled between my legs immediately chilled.
Poor birth? Low status? The flattery I had felt from his previous words crumbled into dust.
“Stop.”
He paused, straightening his back. He searched my eyes. “Is something wrong?”
I worked the buttons of my shirt until I was all back to normal, taking a deep breath and sighing it out slowly, trying to let the tension of the moment and the fire in my body start to subside.
“I just…” I searched for the words, feeling my anger rise but not wanting to come off unhinged in front of this man.
“It’s okay,” he said, reaching in, trying to pull me against his chest in a comforting motion.
The idea of him embracing me right now was too much. I quickly slipped off the desk and ducked under his reach, striding away.
“Aubrey?” He turned to follow me. “What’s wrong? Was I too—?”
“Is that what you think about me?” I asked, staring him down. “Poor birth? Low status? Are we back in the dark ages now?”
Jaeson winced, halting in his tracks. “Aubrey… Shit. I’m sorry. That’s not how I meant it.”
“You still hurt me.” I crossed my arms in front of my chest, trying to make myself feel less vulnerable. “I don’t know why you thought I’d be okay with you saying that about me.”
“I really am sorry,” he said again. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“I have a hard enough time at this school without also getting this kind of crap from you.” My cheeks grew hot, but not from arousal. “I feel the tension every single day. There are all these rumors about the kind of girl I am because of the stories I write and I have to deal with that on top of already feeling like a fish out of water because everyone else is so glamorous here and I’m just—” My eyes stung with the pinpricks of tears. I squeezed them tightly shut. This was the last place I wanted to cry right now. “I don’t feel like I can live up to any of it. Not the prestige, not the status—”
“Aubrey, I don’t care about that—”
“Not the fame, not the wealth,” I continued, cutting him off. “Especially the wealth. Like I have money laying around to buy a brand new ball gown for some big fancy party.”
“I’m sorry,” Jaeson said, chagrinned. “You worked so hard and achieved everything you wanted. I didn’t know you cared about all that.”
“Everyone cares about all that,” I bit out.
“I didn’t realize it was so difficult for you,” he said,“I grew up around all of… this.” He gestured around the office with his hand. "This has been my life from the very beginning. I know I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth. I recognize that. I just didn’t realize you would think of it as something other than a compliment. I thought you escaped.”
“My life isn’t something I needed to escape from.”
“I’m sorry,” he said, sounding genuinely contrite. “It’s just… Everything about my life is scheduled and imposed on me. My entire future is planned for me without me getting a say in it.”
The tension loosened in my shoulders. The stinging of my eyes began to subside.
“I get it,” I said. “I wish I knew how to help you with it. It’s terrible you’re stuck inside this cage you can’t escape from. But not all of us are running from something.”
“I understand.”
I didn’t know if he did. Could he ever get it? There were days when I felt like a fairy tale princess getting my happy ending, sure, and I knew I was extremely lucky to be here. But I wasn’t embarrassed about where I came from. I was happy for the grounding experience. I’d grown up with a normal, happy childhood. I knew how to operate in the real world, with real people.
I wondered if Jaeson ever would.
“I can’t pick anyone for the ball right now,” I said, changing the subject.
“Why not?” Jaeson asked, crestfallen.
“I don’t want to complicate things,” I said. “I know everything is good for now, and that all three of you are willing to be with me, but I can’t help feel like this is a temporary thing. Men like you three, men of influence and power, ultimately try to get what you want. And one day, one of you is going to want me, and be the only person who has me.”
“I don’t feel that way,” Jaeson said. “None of us do. We’re willing to wait and let you choose.”
