Chapter Eleven
Dane’s new facility was actually nicer than the one in California. The room was bigger and better decorated, though still stripped bare of anything he could use to hurt himself, and contained no mirrors.
He was even allowed to dress in semi-regular clothes like T-shirts and jeans. No tags. He had to work not to analyze his body. Was the food making him fill out? Was he getting fat? He still did sit-ups and push-ups when he could. It was easier now that he was eating regularly. The doctor had been right about that. Food was fuel. He did need it. He could learn to not hate it so much. His hands itched to cook again, but no one would let him near the kitchen and he didn’t have anyone to cook for.
Tommy stopped by late each day to check in with him. He was so much happier, and in turn, Dane could almost feel some of his own anxiety fade. He’d also finally found a medication that worked. He felt more stable than he had in years, which was so much better than the constant roller coaster of ups and downs he’d come to expect. He still had panic attacks that would leave him sobbing and shaking in the corner, but the time between them was increasing. And he no longer thought about how much he wanted to die. The world would not be better without him. People would miss him, and he would miss out on whatever good was yet to come.
Tommy had been so happy Dane had been taken off suicide watch that he’d hauled in a keyboard and they spent over an hour singing together a mash of random hit songs, none of which were theirs.
One morning Tommy arrived before seven, rousing Dane from a light doze.
“Up and at ’em, Dane. I’ve got plans for you today.”
Dane blinked sleepily at Tommy.
“I haven’t even had breakfast yet.”
“Breakfast will be at the spa with Bas and Adam. You will eat, correct? I’ve been assured they will have plenty of raw fruits and vegetables for you to fill up on.”
He had to eat in front of Bas and Adam? Adam, whom he’d never met but had seen and knew to be beautiful, perfect, healthy. Adam, who was Ru’s...
“I will try.”
“You will eat. You know Bas will call you on it if you don’t. Neither one of them will be judging you, but you need to eat. You’ll be with them all day, getting a massage, a couple scrubs, and some moisturizing treatments. We really need to do something to make you not look so caveman-like.” He grinned. “Jesus.”
“Huh?” Dane frowned.
“You look like Jesus. The hair and the beard...” Tommy dug through Dane’s drawers and pulled out a sweatshirt and a pair of thick sweats. “It’s freezing outside. Like instant ball-icicle cold. So cover up.”
It had been ages since Dane had done something like a spa. He didn’t like people touching him. He looked at Tommy, who seemed so excited about the idea.
“What aren’t you telling me? Are you sure you’re not dating Bas? It’s okay with me. He’s a nice guy. You could do worse.”
Tommy snorted. “If I were gay, yeah, I’d date him in a heartbeat. That guy is gold. Sadly, I’m not wired that way, so I must still search for my princess. I want someone small and feminine. I wanna buy her shoes and jewelry, run my fingers through her long, silky hair, and drool at her in a slinky black dress. As for you, don’t you think it’s time for you to meet Adam? Bas needed the day off, and Adam is his best friend, so we’re sending them to the spa while the rest of us madly finish the redecorating of his house. Ru hired pros to come in and make the changes in the kitchen that Bas was going to put off until this summer. And the rest of us will be putting all the furniture and rooms back together.”
“You really like this guy,” Dane commented.
“He’s our friend. Just like you’re our friend,” Tommy reminded him. “People who stick with you through anything are hard to find. You gotta keep them close.”
Dane knew that. Tommy had left all his friends to be at Dane’s side, even dropped out of college. He owed Tommy so much he didn’t even know where to start. And his gut clenched in fear at the thought of Ru knowing everything.
“Did you tell Ru?”
“Only that you’re here in Minnesota. He knows you’re being treated for something. He asked Bas, but Bas wouldn’t give any specifics. If you feel it’s time to tell him, we will set up something for tonight after the spa. If not, then I just bring you back here and we do it another day.”
“Won’t Adam tell him?”
“Adam can only tell him what you tell Adam.”
“I’m not stupid, Tommy. I know how bad I look.” Dane sighed in frustration.
“You don’t look so bad, just a little shaggy, which is why you’re going to the spa. You’ll be getting a haircut and a real shave. No mirrors still, but I assure you they will have you feeling like a million bucks by the end of the day.”
Dane ran his hands through his overly long hair. It almost swept his collar. It hadn’t ever been that long that he could recall. At least his face had stopped itching so bad. He was used to the hair now. It felt a bit like a mask, like no one could see the real him. But he couldn’t hide forever, could he?
“I’d really love a real shave.”
“It’s on the schedule. Now let’s get you bundled and out to the car. I need to get you to the guys for breakfast. Remember, you need to eat.”
