He took his little paper cup of pills and swallowed them down with a few gulps of water. Showed the nurse he hadn’t hidden them. No napkins were allowed, and they’d have to sit in the cafeteria for another half an hour to ensure no one threw up their pills. Dane hated throwing up, couldn’t do it like Sandy could. The girl could spew on command. Sometimes he wondered if that would have been easier than his issues. Exercising ’til he passed out and avoiding food like it was a demon was not normal. And he only exercised when he felt out of control about something, like the way someone made him feel or when his head swam with memories.
He’d finished most of the fruit on his plate and a few bites of vegetables when the nurse came to take him back to his room. Sandy waved to him as her nurse led her toward the lower floors where she was going to meet up with her parents. What would he do with a few hours free of the watchful eyes? Probably work out until his body gave out again. Yeah, he wasn’t ready to leave.
The cameras in his room ensured he was never truly alone. Somewhat invasive, but also comforting. He might long to push himself, but they would be there in seconds to stop him.
“Ms. Cates is here,” the nurse told him. “Are you up to seeing her? You have an appointment with your therapist in two hours, but I can bring her by to visit until then.”
Dane nodded and stretched his six-foot frame. He was tired of feeling lonely. Everyone else had family visit. But seeing his birth family would likely send him into convulsions.
Seven years without hearing from them wasn’t long enough. He’d changed his last name and buried the records deep to keep them from finding him. Still, the nightmares of his life in that hole plagued his sleep. And he felt like if Ru and Tommy knew, they’d be disappointed in him, see him for the failure he was.
He blinked back tears. God, how the mighty had fallen. No more parties, fast cars, and endless parades of faces begging for a piece of him. The media would have a field day if they found out. Another sad pop star ruined by fame and fortune.
He sat on his bed and scratched at the neck of his itchy scrubs. The fabric was heavyweight and hard to tear. The sheets were the same. Not to be uncomfortable, but because he was still on suicide watch. No one believed he hadn’t cut himself on purpose.
A knock on the door announced his manager, Joely Cates’ arrival. He smiled at her. He’d always thought of her as sort of a big sister. She had taken good care of him, hadn’t hesitated when he told her he needed help and wanted to get it discreetly.
“Hey, sunshine,” she said. “How you feeling?”
“Tired, but okay. How are things?”
She sat on the bed beside him and brushed a long strand of blond hair out of his eyes. “Your nurse says you’re eating better.”
“I’m trying. Have to think about it a lot.” More than anything else he ever had to do in his life. “But it’s not as hard as it was outside...”
“I think that means you’re getting better. Keep working at it, okay?”
He nodded. He knew he couldn’t stay there forever. But at least he didn’t feel like he always had to measure up to someone. No one was looking at him and judging him.
“We’ve changed up your stock portfolio quite a bit. Should be plenty of income coming in from that end of things. Still have royalties from the music, of course. But you have time. Don’t push yourself too hard. Listen to the doctors and do what’s right foryou.” She reached out and gripped his hand. “It makes me happy to know you’re working so hard on getting better.”
“How are Ru and Tommy? Is Ru still dating that boy from Minnesota?” The article with the picture of the two of them together looking so perfect and happy had been what sent him into that last workout frenzy. How could he be friends with Ru if he was less than perfect? And Ru’s new boyfriend was beyond perfect. Dane had never felt the world crashing so soundly around him than when reading that article and receiving news that Vocal Growth was over all in the same week. Too much, and yet he was still happy for them, that they had found each other and maybe a way free of all of this madness.
“Yep. Ru and Adam are America’s new sweethearts. They are an amazing couple. They’ve done a handful of interviews, but the press has been warned to otherwise stay away from Adam. Which is working so far. Ru being quick with offering lawsuits has kept the paparazzi at bay. Tommy has been lying low, spending a lot of time in Minnesota with the guys. Ru’s tour was unconventional. He’d tour for a week straight, then be home a week, then tour another week. I heard by the end of the week touring he’d be a bear and need to get back with Adam. Then he’d be back to happy Ru again.”
Ru was free now. No more insults right? Dane flinched at the barrage of them they’d all received. The demands. One misstep and meant a world of pain. “Ru is happy?”
“He is.”
“This new guy is nice to him? Says nice things?” Dane prayed there was something more than the pain.
“Adam is amazing. I think you’d like him. I had a meeting with all of them and Katie last week. Talking over a few portfolio things. Adam is very into Ru. Ru lights up when they are together.” Joely patted Dane’s hand. “Ru is safe. He’s happy. I promise.”
“It’s good to hear they’re doing so well.” His friends. At least he hoped they were still friends. He hadn’t treated Ru that well, mostly because Ru’s issues had revived a lot of Dane’s own. He closed his eyes and sucked in a calming breath.Breathe through it, he told himself, concentrate on the now, not the past. He could mend bridges. Ru never needed to know how Dane had felt. It was unfair for both of them. Dane knew he had no right to those feelings. They were wrong, would have been even if Ru hadn’t found Adam.
Joely rubbed the back of his hand with her thumbs. “They ask about you. Any time I see or hear from them. They want to know how you are. They worry. They care. The radio silence about you has got them really upset.”
“I’m okay.” He paused, thinking about it. “I’m going to be okay.”
She nodded and gave him an encouraging smile.
Someone knocked on the door. This time it was his therapist, Dr. Zander. Had it been two hours already? The man’s face was grim. He nodded to Joely but focused on Dane.
“Dane, it’s a little early, but I think you and I should start our session now.”
“Has something happened?” Dane asked. The man had always been good at maintaining a positive face through even some of Dane’s most horrible moments, but his expression was grave.
He nodded, but took a deep breath like he had a blow to deliver. Dane flinched. What happened?
