There were people everywhere, many sitting at tables or on computers. A handful of students had even gathered around a large fireplace in the center of the library, acoustic guitars in hand, playing and singing softly. No one rushed to shush them, and everyone really just seemed intent on minding their own business. Ru made his way to a table near the back, next to one of the giant windows, and set down his stack of books.
The view was nice. There was some sort of courtyard area outside with benches, trees, and even a few pergola-looking things. Rainbows of leaves lay scattered about, and he wondered how peaceful it would look when it was all blanketed in the white of winter. He’d done the ski-trip thing a few times with Tommy, but had a feeling that actually living here during the winter months would be a world of differences.
He sighed, shoving aside all the mental gymnastics that blocked his brain, and opened a book. The noise of the people around him, comforting, and eased his depression, though he couldn’t really interact with them. A simple reminder he wasn’t as alone as he felt. He hoped keeping his head down would be enough to prevent anyone from recognizing him.
He was halfway through a biography about Madonna when he heard someone sit down at a desk nearby. Somewhat afraid he’d been discovered, Ru looked up. The young man had the blondest hair he’d ever seen on a guy, which was saying a lot since Ru was born and raised in San Diego. But it was a fine, white shag that fell around his face. The guy’s profile was lovely, all angles until the softness of his lips broke it up. Ru must have been staring too long because the blond glanced his way.
Ru buried his face back in his book, trying to slow his anxious breathing. The kid was beautiful. Giant brown eyes, soft and sweet, lips thick and expressive, skin pale and light bronze all at once. He looked innocent, sweet, too pretty to be real, and yet seemed oblivious as he wasn’t fussing with his hair, and didn’t appear to be wearing makeup.
Wholesome, the boy-next-door type of guy Ru had been hearing about his entire life. They were probably pretty close in age. For the first time in ages, Ru actually felt something more than sadness, depression, and rage.
Hope.
Their eyes met briefly, and the blond smiled shyly at him. Ru ran his hands through his brown hair a few times. It felt coarse and heavy, just like he did at that moment. What sort of other life would he have to live to end up with a boy like this? Did this pretty boy struggle every day to put forth such a perfect image? Or could he just be who he was?
They played the game a while, glancing up or looking away when a gaze landed. Ru licked his lips more times than usual trying to find the voice to speak up and actually introduce himself to the young man. The guy wore T-shirt and jeans, with a light coat, nothing that said he was a paparazzi or anything other than an ordinary student. But Ru found himself locked in his seat, not sure what to say or how to react each time the guy looked up.
After a few minutes, the blond got up, leaving his books and everything to head to the counter. He talked to the librarian, looking like he had a few questions.
Ru watched him for a minute before rushing to find a piece of paper to leave the guy a note. What if the blond had heard of him? What if he was disgusted and turned around and called the papers or something? What if Ru spent the rest of his life wondering “what if?”
He jotted down just his nickname and his phone number. Maybe the guy would call; maybe he wouldn’t. At least Ru had made his move. He headed into the stacks, hoping the guy didn’t come barreling after him shouting hateful things when he found the note, but he stayed close enough to watch.
The young man returned with a handful of papers. He frowned, glanced at where Ru had sat a minute ago, and opened his folder. Ru knew he’d found the note by the alarmed expression on the blonde’s face. He even looked up and glanced around as if afraid someone would see him. He seemed to be confused by the note. Ru felt his heart break with disappointment and turned to leave, texting Binks as he went. So much for hope.
