Chapter Fourteen
Thanksgiving was his first outside trip. A trial of sorts. But very focused. He would spend the holiday with the Corbins, Ru, Dane, Bas, and Paige. Even staying overnight at Bas’s house, which was where Paige lived. He packed an overnight bag with shaky hands, and ran through his mental checklist of tools to keep close at hand. Breathing was always first. And he took a few long, focused breaths. It was one day, one evening. He could handle it.
He even had a picture of what his plate of food should look like for the holiday dinner. Half veggies, the other half healthy fats and proteins. Planning every possible scenario wasn’t an option, even if he wanted it to be. This was meant to be a trial run. How ready was he for the outside world? His heart raced with an edge of fear. If this went okay, he could transition to half week in and half week out. Learning to integrate back into life. He both feared that, and wanted it.
Mr. Corbin arrived to pick him up, but Paige was waiting in the middle seat. The relief at her presence was instant. Like she’d been around him enough, seen a lot of his little ticks or quirks to know what he needed. She grabbed his hand as soon as he was buckled and squeezed.
“You’ve got this,” she promised.
He breathed. The edge of a panic attack floating within reach. He really didn’t want to come undone. But that was okay too. His therapist said it might happen, and Tommy had training to work through it. No one would judge him if it happened.
“Everyone is excited to see you,” Mr. Corbin said as he steered them toward his home. “Dane is doing a lot of the cooking. He wants to make sure you’re eating right. We picked up a tree yesterday.”
Tommy blinked at him. “But you’re Jewish.”
“And having a tree for all of you to gather and celebrate doesn’t diminish my faith any more than it makes the rest of you magically Catholic.” Mr. Corbin joked.
“Point,” Tommy agreed. None of them were religious, though he knew Adam followed a lot of the traditional Jewish stuff. Tommy only got bits and pieces from his conversations with Ru.
“First time we’ve had one,” Mr. Corbin continued, “but Ru and Bas have been in charge of decorations. Sounds like after we eat today there’s going to be a bit of a decorating party? And we will be setting another meal and gift opening time around Christmas. Not sure it will be Christmas day or not.”
“I can’t remember the last time we had a real Christmas,” Tommy said. “Most of the time we were doing shows in some other country.”
“Everyone will be here for the holiday this year,” Paige said. “Ru had some New Year event invite, but turned it down.”
Tommy wondered what would happen if he finished rehab before Christmas. Would he have to return to his lonely downtown apartment? He hadn’t been there in months. Had Katie found all his stashes of liquor and pills? His gut hurt with worry.
Paige squeezed his hand hard. “Hey,” she said.
“Hey,” he said back, the worry welling up, vibration starting at the base of his spine in warning. He was going to have a panic attack.
“I’ve got you,” she said turning his face her way. “You trust me.”
“It’smeI don’t trust.”
She touched her lips to his. A soft kiss, not demanding or exploring, a reminder of the present. “Five things?” She asked.
He sucked a breath, “Marshmallow scented lotion.”
Paige smiled. “What else?”
“Your hands are warm on my face. The seat is warm under me.” Heated seats. The radio was playing some Christmas classic. He tried to focus on the words. “All I want for Christmas…” Tommy sang.
“Is you,” Paige said.
He smiled. “The snow makes me nervous.” They’d had a big drop two days prior. It put everything in a standstill for twelve hours, even keeping Paige from visiting him that day. “Thanks for driving, Mr. Corbin.”
“You’re welcome,” Mr. Corbin said, keeping his eyes on the road.
Paige took a hold of Tommy’s neck again and dragged him down for a deeper kiss. She tasted like chocolate orange. He licked her lips, savoring the flavor. “Were you eating candy?”
She blushed. “Those chocolate orange things are my kryptonite. Did you ever have a holiday candy or food you liked?”
Tommy thought about that for a few minutes as the city finally appeared in the distance. The rehab center’s distance from everything gave it a lot of privacy, but also made the trip a little intimidating. “My mom made this strange fruit salad every year. It was canned fruit, cool whip, cottage cheese, and Jell-O mix? Pink? Thinking back, it looked awful. But I loved that stuff. Not sure if I could eat it now. It sounds like a lot of sugar.” A blood sugar spike could still set off a panic attack for him. Something about insulin levels. But he knew within minutes if his heart was going to race and send him into an attack after eating something. His cure for that was to lie down, put his eye mask on and breathe through until it passed. He hoped he didn’t have to lose time with everyone that way today.
“Sounds tasty to me,” Paige said. “Maybe Dane can figure out substitutions to scale back the sugar?”
“Maybe. I know he’s in school for that now.”
