Chapter Thirteen
Tommy only lasted three days before calling Paige and asking her to visit. She sounded hesitant, but agreed. Tommy missed her a lot; the sound of her laugh, the weight of her hand in his, the scent of marshmallows, her snarky commentary during movies, or even the way she looked at him when he sang for her.
He had gotten a few books from his therapist about what it meant to be transexual, and how to care for someone who was. He read about hormones and therapy and wondered if Paige was getting all the care she needed. He hoped so. He remembered their first meeting and the bruises on her face. It stirred an anger in him every time he thought about it. His therapist recommended bringing Paige in for a meeting together, and gently working through it. It didn’t sound like whomever had hurt her was still in her life, but Tommy’s anger was a bit irrational. One of those touches of high emotion, unbalanced from all the shifting and healing in his head.
Paige arrived wearing pants. It was startling. Tommy couldn’t remember ever seeing her wear pants. They were the skinny type that clung to her slim legs. She gave him a tight and careful smile as she stripped out of her coat and let the folks at the desk search her.
Her sweater hit at the waist, but looked festive with the green of the jeans, and outline of holly in red on white knit. She even toed off her boots and traded them for a pair of slippers. She approached him hesitantly, hair pulled back from her face, a few curls escaping here and there. But there was worry in her eyes. He hated that he’d put that there. How much had Ru told her?
“Hey,” he said.
“Hey,” she replied.
“I didn’t take you away from anything important, did I?” Tommy wondered. Midweek it was usually work for her, and then a visit to him, but he knew it was a long drive. Had she gotten more rest this week not having to constantly see him?
“No, not at all,” Paige said. She didn’t offer her hand like she normally did, but Tommy reached for it anyway. She didn’t pull away, but stared at him, glancing down. “You don’t have to.”
“Have to what?” Tommy asked. He tugged her toward the hall. “Will you color with me for a while?”
“Okay,” she said hesitantly, but walked along with him. “Have you heard more from your dad?” She asked as they approached the media room.
“No. And I hope not to,” Tommy said. “I did call my mom. She’s coming tomorrow for a visit with me and my therapist. I need to work through part of this with her.”
“That sounds scary.”
“Sometimes it’s better to rip the Band-Aid off,” Tommy agreed.
Paige flinched. “Look. I get it. It was nice while it lasted. I mean, a guy like you andme…It was doomed from the beginning.”
Tommy turned her way. Her eyes were glossy with unshed tears.
“I thought you knew. I mean I guess I should have known…”
“Are you breaking up with me?” Tommy asked. “I mean I know neither of us actually said we were athing, but I thought we were athing?A couple or whatever?”
Paige looked stunned. “You want to still see me?”
“Yeah, of course. That’s why I called and asked you to come.”
“But only as friends?”
Tommy leaned in and kissed her. She tasted like he remembered, sweet and warm. It took her a minute to kiss him back, but the intensity of it lasted a while. He finally broke the kiss, breathing deep and trying to get his body to calm down for a minute. Slow and steady his therapist had reminded him. Healing took time and nothing he did needed to be a sprint. He found sprints could set him back for days.
“Does that answer your question?” Tommy wondered. They stood outside the media room. The NAs had turned to give them privacy, but lingered nearby, a barrier between them and anyone who might come down the hall.
“But I’m not a girl…” Paige whispered.
“You are a girl,” Tommy said.
“Not all the way. Not like I’d like to be. I might never be. It’s not even the cost of the surgery, which is a lot, it’s fear over so many things. I might always just be this.” She held out her arms like there was something bad about her.
Tommy shrugged. “You’re Paige. The girl with the naughty mouth who makes me laugh, and who I like to kiss. I can’t promise I know what I’m doing, or that I’m not going to mess up somewhere. I’m a former drunk and drug addict…but I really like you. Is this at all mutual or am I not the kind of guy you want to waste energy on?”
A tear slipped down her cheek. Tommy caught it with his thumb and wiped it away. His heart ached with the idea that she was walking away. All he really had to offer her was money, but she didn’t want that. His fame had dwindled, he was a total mental case, and had no idea what he was going to do with the rest of his life. Why would anyone want him? Especially someone like Paige who really seemed to know what she wanted.
“I like you too, Tommy Foster,” she began.
“But?”
