Chapter Twelve
The dreaded day came in which Tommy was to meet the court ordered doctor. Ru showed up early that morning with clothes, a stylist, and a fire to get Tommy moving. The idea was to clean him up, make him look less like a mental patient, and more like a man in control. He wasn’t certain he actually felt in control, though he had yet to dissolve into a panic attack. Even his four a.m. wake up had been nothing more than a jolt awake, minor racing heart, and nothing else.
Tommy sat in a chair while his hair was cut and then his face shaved by a pro, and wondered if the suit Ru had brought him would fit. “The suit is a bit over the top for a doctor’s visit,” Tommy remarked.
Ru glared at the outfit. Tommy was still in his PJs. “We’ll go without the coat.”
“You’re coming with me?”
“Of course I am,” Ru said. “We negotiated your head doctor present and one person of choice. That would be me.” He jutted his thumbs at himself.
“You’re my choice?” Tommy joked to tease Ru. He’d have chosen Ru anyway.
“Of course, you asshole. Who else would you pick?”
“Paige?” Tommy offered.
Ru smiled. “You hit that yet?”
“Dude…”
“What? She’s into you.”
“And I’m into her. We’re moving slow,” Tommy said. “Mostly snogging.”
“Slow is okay, and I love snogging. Adam is really good at snogging.” Ru got a dreamy look on his face. “He can snog for hours.”
“Okay, lover boy, focus. This is my sanity on the line here.”
Ru sighed. “They are going to try to trigger you. There’s no way around it. We all know. Your doctor knows. Everyone.”
“Okay, so what happens if I have a panic attack? It’s not proof I’m not getting better. I used to have a dozen panic attacks a day, now it’s like once a week.” And the last remnants of his depression was fading. It only really rose again when the anxiety got bad, though the hole of blackness was gone from his brain and had not returned.
“I don’t know,” Ru said. “Wouldn’t it look better if you walk in calm as a cucumber and answer their stuff and walk out?”
“Or like I was a sociopath,” Tommy offered. The gal trimming his hair finished and he got out of the chair. “Let me go shower off the last of the hairs. Be right back.” He closed the bathroom door and showered, pulling on the robe and only glancing in the mirror. He looked older, strange, not in a bad way, but like he’d grown up.
“Don’t really fit the boy band anymore, do you?” And talking to himself in public probably wasn’t helping others perception of him either.
He headed back to get dressed. The stylist had left. He pulled on the dress pants, and the button up. No tie. At least everything fit. The shoes were a bit snug and unfamiliar. When was the last time he wore actual shoes?
“You look like someone’s lawyer,” Ru remarked.
“Um, thank you?” Was that a good thing or a bad thing?
Ru fiddled with Tommy’s hair, but it was fine. A handful of his favorite styling product and it looked okay. He’d never been high maintenance about his appearance. He’d already had breakfast, and a short meeting with his therapist to spew all his worries for the meeting. He held tight to his toolbox, mentally sorting through all the things he’d been learning. Though he suspected breaking out into his vagus nerve stimulating hum might be a little off-putting to people on the outside.
“Let’s get this over with,” Tommy said. It was nearing Thanksgiving now, and he had been told he might actually get out of here before the New Year. That was both exciting and terrifying. Ru had some new pieces he wanted to record with Tommy, but there was no actual recording studio at the rehab center. Which meant heading into downtown near bars and a lot of other temptations Tommy worried he wasn’t ready to face yet.
But one dragon to slay at a time.
Ru walked at his side as they headed for the doctor’s main meeting room. It was a boardroom setup, wide, but with multiple couches, and a table in the middle. Tommy had only been in there twice before. Meetings when there were more than a handful of people present. All of them in preparation for this hoop his father demanded he jump though.
“I’m not a flying monkey,” Tommy muttered.
“What?” Ru asked.
Tommy waved his hand at nothing. Frustrated by this whole thing. The NAs were around, always nearby, with whatever main nurse was on duty. One of Tommy’s NAs opened the door for him, letting them inside. His father waited, with a man he didn’t know, and Tommy’s main doctor. He technically had three doctors and his primary doctor, Dr. Brigham. It was her job to consolidate and connect all the dots from the different aspects of his care to create a treatment plan. He honestly thought that all doctors should have access to information like she did, as it would improve care, but also knew it was a concept that was only available to him because he had the funds for the top-of-the-line services.
