“He’s looking good though,” Ru said. “I was worried.” Ru took Tommy’s face in his hands, studying it. “No bags under your eyes. You’re sleeping? You don’t look thin, or like you’re living at the bottom of a bottle anymore. You’re feeling good? Better?”
“I am,” Tommy agreed.
Ru let go and patted his cheek. “You need a real shave, and a haircut. You look like some romance cover rogue.”
“I think it’s hot,” Paige said. “Pretty boy turned hot daddy and all scruffy.” She headed toward the kitchen. “I’m getting food. I smell cinnamon rolls.”
“She loves sugar,” Tommy said. Paige vanished into the kitchen area where there was apparently a buffet.
Ru laughed. “She does. You into her?”
“Maybe?” Not a maybe at all. He really liked her. “Is that bad?”
“No. But it won’t be an easy thing.”
Was anything easy anymore? “Nothing is happening right now anyway. Doctor said not to get tooexcitedabout anything. It sends my parasympathetic nervous system into fits. Which means muscle flares and panic attacks.”
“That sucks,” Ru said. “It’s getting better though?”
Tommy nodded. “I think so. Yesterday was bad. Event triggered.” He knew the difference now. A flare was often something that happened, starting with a tremor, or body part going numb, a hand, a finger, his left foot, or even a migraine. Sometimes they would lead to a panic attack, and a wave of depression. Though it wasn’t as common for him to completely come apart anymore. He could rarely pinpoint a trigger for those as they seemed to begin with something physical. His doctors theorized that it was his system coming back online each time. Minor reboots. But not any less annoying.
Outside events, that was a harder trigger, and a slide backwards. “My therapist warned I’d likely have developed a few triggers already. But I know what a real trigger is now.”
“Dane still has a few,” Ru agreed. “He’s gotten over a couple. They make him uncomfortable, but he can get through them. Like pancakes. He can eat them and not flip out if he makes them. Meat is still a hard limit for him. He can touch it, like if he’s cooking for us, as long as he has gloves. But even offering him a bite of it to eat will set him back. Shut down, hyperventilating, everything. He’s making progress. You’ll get there, too.”
“Sometimes our brain really fucks with us. We forget how easy normal is when it’s taken away from us. Do I really have to meet with some doctor my dad picked?”
Ru shrugged. “It will probably make the case easier. If we can prove you’re getting better. It won’t be one-on-one though. Your doctor will have to be there. Anything else is a non-starter. Katie’s been consulting with some new attorneys on this, trying to ensure we have the best chance of this going our way without a knock-down, drag-out fight.”
“All my progress should be documented, right?”
“Yes. And that will help. This place documents everything. It’s why the nurses are constantly in your business. We were worried you’d hate that.”
“It helps. Keeps me looking at what I’m feeling so I don’t stumble on some surprise bit of crazy.” He’d spent his life looking outward, not really analyzing himself or trying to be a better person. Good enough was all that mattered. He knew better now. Coasting could lead to trouble. Life should be about learning, bettering himself and the world around him. Even if that was only for his small circle of friends. He got a lot of deep mental dives from a goal working class, intense Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behavior Therapy training. His tool box was filling rapidly, and he needed to get better at remembering which coping skills to pull out when days like yesterday happened. The world didn’t stop turning even when he was struggling. The better he understood himself, the more capable of handling whatever the world threw at him.
“I’m happy you finally came.” He put his hand over his heart. “Really, truly, happy.” Touch the brain happy. He could feel it beyond the black hole in his head, happy.
Ru squeezed him again in a death grip. “I’m here. Bouncing between you and Adam. Only other thing going on is songwriting and a few online classes at the community college.”
“Holy crap, wasn’t kidding about the weight training. Ow.”
Ru grinned, flexing. “Adam’s brain turns off when I wear a sleeveless shirt. He stares all dreamy, drooling like an anime character.”
“Too bad it’s almost winter here,” Tommy teased. “You’ll have to put long sleeve shirts on or freeze.”
Derek returned with Tommy’s food, and Paige not far behind him. Ru got up as Paige sat down. “Let me grab food, be right back.”
Tommy picked up his shake as Paige dug into a cinnamon roll. “That looks good.”
She cut off a tiny bite to offer him. He hesitated. It was sugar and gluten, but he took the bit from her fork. It melted in his mouth, sweet and cinnamon. He made a face. “Wow, that’s way too sweet.” He waited for something in his stomach to churn, but nothing happened. The nutritionist said that he’d react less over time. Maybe he was already getting there.
“Your taste buds have changed,” Ru said sitting back down, his plate full of eggs, sausage, and veggies. “It happens when you’re eating healthy. I can’t eat much of that stuff either.” He pointed his fork at Paige’s plate. “The Corbins rarely have sugary desserts.”
“I need to apologize to them,” Tommy groaned at the idea, but it didn’t scare him like he thought it would. They weren’t bad people. “I hope they don’t hate me.”
“They don’t. And you do. Adam has been dying to see you. He can’t come without a parent, but you need to talk to his folks or that isn’t happening.” Ru said in-between bites.
“They are nice. They’ll forgive you, but you have to make an effort,” Paige agreed. “I wish my parents were like them.”
