“I don’t know,” he finally said. “I just feel like I should be like him.”
“What about Ru? Do you want to be like him?”
“He’s a good person. Crazy in love with Adam. You should see the way they move when they’re together. It’s like two halves of a whole. You read about it in books but never think that’s for real. I want that.”
“Love?”
“Yeah.”
“But you have to accept yourself before you can offer what you are to another. You have to understand that there is something in you that other people might like. Do you understand that?”
“Yeah. Bas has told me that.”
“You like him.”
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
“Everything makes sense when he touches me. He gets my crazy brain and pushes back when I lash out. He doesn’t take crap from anyone, especially me. He smiles like I really am the sunshine on his face. And when he’s upset, I just want to conquer the world to avenge whatever crap has been done to him. He takes care of me, is always looking out for me.” Dane leaned back in the chair, tension finally leaving him. “You said to focus on my joy instead of fear. He makes me happy. Whether we wind up just as friends or something more, I like being with him.”
“That’s a good start. How about we flip that coin.” Dr. Zander put his notepad away.
“What do you mean?”
“You said he takes care of you. Gets you. That the world makes sense when he touches you. How about you return those favors? Focus on being there for him.”
“What about when my head goes nuts?”
“Were you thinking of taking care of Bas when that happened?”
Dane shook his head. He’d been beating himself up over it already. “I was thinking about myself and how bad I was feeling.”
“Let’s try this for the rest of the day. Every time you have a bad thought about yourself, think of Bas instead. Think of what you’d like to do for him. Say you feel like you’re fat. Compliment Bas on something. His hair is nice, his clothes, he smells nice. Whatever. Or you feel the need to work out. How about you use that energy to touch him? Hug him, pat him on the back, put your arm around his shoulder.”
“It can’t really be that simple, can it?”
“You won’t know until you try.” Dr. Zander got up. “I’ll meet you again this evening. We’ll talk about how this new focus is going.”
“And if it doesn’t work? He’s leaving me today, going home to be with the rest of the world filled with normal people.”
“No one is normal, Dane. Everyone has problems, fears, and feels inadequate. You fear him leaving you, how about thinking about him? How does he feel to be here? Doesn’t he want to go home and sleep in his own bed? Be back in school getting ready to graduate?”
“Shit. I’m doing it again. Thinking about myself.” Dane wanted to smack himself in the head. Instead he just gripped the chair.
“Go talk to him. And focus on him for a while. Let’s see if we can get Dane out of the box labeled Dane for a while.” Dr. Zander held open the door for him. Dane followed the nurse back to his room where Bas sat with Ru and Paige.
Bas looked up and rewarded Dane with a bright smile. “Hey, Dane. We’re just going over prom details.”
“Coats with tails for us guys and sparkly dresses for the girls,” Ru said as Dane found a spot to sit. “Bas said you’re going.”
“Um, yeah. But don’t we need to be part of the school to go?”
Bas pulled out the prom handbook that Ru must have brought with him. “According to this, all dates must be escorted by a student of Northern, but need not go to Northern. They just have to be under twenty-one. Parents have to fill out some contact info, blah blah. Lots of other crap about no weapons or alcohol. The norm.”
“Marissa broke up with Eddy. So instead of finding a new guy before prom, she and I are going stag. She’s sneaking me in as her date, but we plan to dance with as many boys as we can.” Paige grabbed a bag she brought and pulled out a sketchbook. She flipped it to drawings of their outfits. She turned to one of a redhead in a very detailed white suit. “I was thinking classic for you. Very Gatsby.”
Dane stared at the picture, awed by Paige’s skill.
