“You look so different,” she says. The note of confusion in her voice cuts right through me.
“My scars are gone.”
“What scars?”
Apparently the memory of the snow bees’ attack has been erased along with everything else. I suppose the revisionist history will claim the king and his three eldest sons died nobly in battle. “Never mind.”
“You look so mature and capable. You’re the spitting image of your mother, but you have more confidence than she ever displayed.” Nana doesn’t try to disguise the note of bitterness that creeps into her tone. “The trousers, though…” She sighs. “Come, let’s get you properly dressed.”
In our tiny garret apartment, I change into the same old gown I used to wear while working in the kitchens. Even three years later, it’s faintly redolent of onions.
“Nana?”
“Yes?”
“I can’t go back to the kitchens.” I stare out at the yard below, past the empty spot where the window box I tended with Kai used to sit, before he destroyed it.
“You’re planning to leave, aren’t you?” she says quietly.
“I can’t stay here.”
“Oh, Gwen. I’m sorry Kai didn’t deserve you.”
She hugs me again. Her frailty alarms me. “I’m not leaving you, Nana.” Not yet. I will have to find a way to deal with watching Kai assume his rightful place in the world, while I flounder to find mine. At least for a while.
“Montrace is my home. I can’t go with you.” Nana sniffles.
I sigh. “Let’s not argue about this already.”
Her embrace tightens. “I am so glad to have you back.”
My grandmother releases me when there is a knock at the door. On the other side is a messenger from the Queen. “Her Majesty requests the pleasure of your company. She sends this as a token of her regard.”
He places a large box on the rickety table, bows, and leaves.
“Aren’t you going to open it?” Nana asks.
“Another dress, I’m sure,” I say dryly. After spending so much time in trousers, they no longer feel quite natural to wear. “Just like old times, except now she trusts me to dress myself, apparently.”
“You might not be curious, but I am.” Nana fetches her sharpest paring knife and slices through the string. “Gwen. Look at this!”
She takes out a shimmering silk gown of deep green with gold embroidery. I can’t help but gasp. “That is quite extravagant.”
“There’s a note. It says, ‘As a gesture of my appreciation for returning my son to me, please accept this gown. You and your grandmother must join us for the banquet this evening.”
Beneath the dress for me, in a layer of tissue paper, is a second one made of blue velvet. Nana’s eyes light up when she sees it. She strokes the soft fabric reverently.
As painful as it will be to watch Kai formally step into his role as king, there is no avoiding it. Not without abandoning and embarrassing Nana all over again. I must seal away my feelings and feign joy for Kai while I figure out where to go next, and how I can convince my grandmother to leave the home she has known for more than half her life.
“The emerald will offset your hair beautifully,” Nana says. Something in my expression must snag her attention. She reaches for my hand and squeezes it. “These gowns are worth a small fortune. We can enjoy them tonight and sell them tomorrow. It is a generous gift.”
A dress is not the reward I wanted. Nonetheless, I strip off my clothes and start changing into it. At least Kai didn’t send undergarments. That would have tipped off Nana that I have squandered my virtue.
I cannot bring myself to regret it.
As with my first banquet, all eyes are upon me when I stride into the room. Unlike the first time, they are not scornful. A reverent hush falls over the room, which unnerves me even more than being openly despised.
Kai greets me midway down the red carpet. I slip my gloved hand into his elbow and let him lead me to the head table. I am given a place of honor beside him, and Nana is seated at the other end of the table. She looks bewildered and overwhelmed. I cast her an encouraging smile.
