“Prince Kai got drunk and fell,” Nana says calmly, like I’m a small child frightened of monsters under the bed. “He hit his head on the balustrade and never woke up. It is a sad story, but these things happen. Considering his behavior recently, I cannot claim this was a tragedy for the kingdom.”
“I find it horrifying that his own mother does not mourn his passing.” I hold Nana’s gaze. She is the one to turn away, her gnarled hands twisting in a sign of her agitation. “Montrace is defenseless without him.”
“We have the Guard.”
I scoff. “The guardsmen are not kings. The queen is no longer youthful. She cannot marry and produce another heir.”
“Some women have been known to bear children at her age. It is unlikely, but not impossible.”
“Where would she look for a husband? Amongst the dukes and earls, and risk sowing internal division? Or abroad, where Kai has poisoned every alliance we once had?”
My grandmother is quiet.
“If Kai doesn’t return, the kingdom faces either a succession battle or conquest. None of us will be safe, Nana.”
“Your time sneaking away to watch him train with the soldiers has given you ideas about the way the world works,” she says ruefully.
“Don’t forget the books he gave me from the library.”
She huffs a laugh. “I used to worry when you brought home those expensive tomes. If you’d damaged one, I’d have had a devil of a time getting the money to replace it.”
“But I never did.”
“No.”
“You learned to trust that I would take care of them.” I wish she would trust me now, on the issue of Kai.
“Eventually, yes.” She heaves a sigh. “None of this makes Kai any less dead, Gwen.”
“He isn’t dead. This is a trick played by the fae witch.”
This time, when she gives me that searching look, I find resignation in her eyes.
“What are you planning to do?” she asks.
My gaze lifts to the red heels of the shoes I forgot to return to Kai’s mother. She will say I ran off to avoid punishment for ruining the clothes she loaned me. That I stole those beautiful, uncomfortable shoes.
“I will seek aid from the River Witch.”
Nana is quiet for a long moment. “I asked you to be careful once, Gwen. I am begging you now, watch your step. The world is dangerous beyond these castle walls.”
“The world inside these walls carries danger, too. There is no risk-free way through life.”
She nods thoughtfully. “Kai was fortunate to have such a loyal friend. He never appreciated you the way he should have. When you get the River Witch’s confirmation that he is dead, promise me you’ll come back, Gwen. You are the only family I have.”
Leaving through the castle gate is a strange experience. I vividly remember arriving on the back of a farmer’s wagon when I was six years old, grieving my parents and terrified of the future. How safe and strong the embrace of these stone walls felt.
Meeting Kai not long after my arrival, and how his presence became part of that sense of security I needed so badly. If a prince thought I was good enough to be his companion, didn’t that mean that someday, I’d be worthy of love, too?
His love?
Obviously, that did not happen. Self-doubt grows with each step I take away from my home, following the moat until it turns into a branch of the river where I’m headed. What if Nana is right? Am I stubbornly clinging to the past because I’m too afraid to face a future without Kai?
Nana loves me. She is the only one who ever has, and yet I’ve left her in search of more.
Despite my doubts, I don’t turn back.
The sun rises high overhead. I carry my shoes in one hand and an old pack slung over my shoulder. Sweat trickles downward between my shoulder blades, itchy in a place I can’t quite reach.
