“You are worried for the future—what would you do if you could do anything?” Darcy paused. And then, something in him that ought not to have been allowed to speak asked, “Would you marry if you could?”
“No.” Instant and confident answer. That completely lacked any flirtatiousness. Elizabeth had successfully followed her own stricture.
“Do you not wish to marry, or you only think that you cannot, or—”
“I have not thought about it. As I said last night: All seems dim. But I know that I cannot marry. Maybe I never will be able to.”
“Cannot marry?”
A frown had formed around Elizabeth’s mouth. This related to that secret she hinted at, but did not wish to discuss.
What could it be?
A part of Darcy’s mind whispered that it could not be such a difficult problem. It would be easy to guess. He could learn what she did not wish him to know—she in partdidwish him to know so that there would be no secret between them. That was why she had given him such hints.
“I wish I could help you,” Darcy said instead of trying to guess. He felt anxiety at the thought, even though he was sure that Elizabeth treated this secret as being of greater significance than it deserved. “I promise that I will if you need it.”
“How could you help me?” Elizabeth said with an odd look, as though she were surprised to hear him say that.
“Within which difficulty?” Darcy shrugged. “I do not know at present. But in terms of your future, there must be something wholly respectable that can be arranged. I shall think about that. If nothing else, there must be someone in Englandwho would be happy to employ you at good wages as a governess to teach her daughter Greek and Latin.”
“Hahaha.” Elizabeth grinned at him. “If I were aman,I would find it easy enough to get employment with my accomplishments, such as they are.”
Chapter Fifteen
Two days later Mary returned from her usual standing outside for five minutes in the wind while Anne de Bourgh spoke to her from the carriage with surprising information.
Even though it was by no means the usual night, and even though they only had a little hurried notice, they were to dine with Lady Catherine that night. From how Mary described the invitation, it was an order rather than a request.
Elizabeth immediately wondered at Mr. Darcy’s influence, but if he had planned to have Lady Catherine invite her to dine, she thought that he would have mentioned such when they met both days previous and walked about in the park.
However,shewas by no means averse to dining with Lady Catherine, even though she only had two dresses that she considered suitable for such an occasion, and thus she would on a third occasion be required to repeat. That could be made a little less noticeable by the clever use of shawls, ribbons, and bracelets to make her appearance as different as could be managed without the expedient of buying an additional dress.
While Elizabeth did not think that she could hide from the knowing eyes of Lady Catherine, nor the appreciating ones of Mr. Darcy, that she was wearing the same dress again, shedidhope that she could convince them that she was cognizant of the shamefulness of that fact.
With that thought giving her a smile, Elizabeth dressed shortly after for a walk and she went into the grove of the park where she had now twice met Mr. Darcy. She had even gone so far as to specify to him that it was a favorite of hers, and at what hours she was particularly likely to appear in it.
As soon as she meandered into the fine grove of oaks, Elizabeth was blessed with the view of a tall man wearing a fine silk top hat that made him even taller.
Elizabeth knew she loved him. It was impossible for her to pretend any other sentiment. The sense of relief that she had felt upon hearing that he wasnotengaged to Miss de Bourgh was such as to make it impossible for her to lie to herself.
As for the gentleman?
He liked her. He wished her well. He wished to often see her. Elizabeth liked to think that had their situations been of such equality as to permit him thinking of her, hewouldhave.
This must be enough, for she could have nothing else.
The delight with which she rushed to see him with every opportunity showed incautiousness on her own part. Sobbing would one day be the result.Thatwas a grief for a different day.
“I hear,” Elizabeth said approaching him, “that I am to have the honor of seeing you again at dinner in only a few hours.”
“Yes, which I imagine shall be my chief pleasure in the event,” Darcy replied, with a grimace. “Lord Rochester and his son are to dine with us as well. I like Hartley a great deal, but I can never see Lord Rochester without a sense of my skin crawling, and the remembrance of a tale Hartley told Bingley and I when we were all schoolboys...” Darcy shook his head. “It was a tale told in confidence. He would not wish it repeated. But I have a very unfavorable opinion of Lord Rochester.”
“Do you think he murdered the wife and daughter?” Elizabeth asked instantly. But then she blushed. “I perhaps should not be so forward as to ask, but...”
“You should be,” Darcy said seriously meeting her eyes, “exactly as you are.”
So, you see,the happy part of Elizabeth’s heart said,this is why it is impossible to try to keep ourselves from forming an attachment.
