Darcy said, quietly, “I have seldom enjoyed anything so much as when I heard Miss Bennet perform.”
Oh, Lord!
There was thatthingin Darcy’s eyes again. He was doing it to her again.
And she wouldnothave it.
With a stiff curtsey and a flushed face, Elizabeth opened the piano and put her fingers to the instrument. She kept her eyes towards where Lady Catherine and Mr. Collins stood together. So, she felt rather than saw Darcy’s admiring eyes.
But her spirits were too high, she was too affected, and she lost herself in the song. After a minute she knew that she was singing for Darcy.
She had no expectations, but it was too hard to keep control of her heart when she liked him so very much. It would be easy if only he did not like her also.
That odious, honourable, man!
Fortunately, Mr. Darcy did not press Elizabeth so hard after her song was done, and she chiefly spent the remainder of the evening in an amusing (for her) conversation with Lady Catherine upon a variety of controversial matters about which Lady Catherine had not the slightest doubt.
Elizabeth also took her opportunity to bounce a ball about with Emily, who she encouraged to call her Miss Lizzy. Unfortunately, it seemed that the chance for such informality was already past, and that she would remain Be-ne.
Chapter Fourteen
Early the next morning Emily asked Darcy whether they could see Be-ne again. That was when Darcy decided he could wait no longer.
In vain had he struggled. It would not do. His feelings would not be repressed. He had to tell her how ardently he admired and loved her.
Yes, he owed Anne better, but… it was simply hard for Darcy to remember at this moment why he had ever thought he needed to repress his feelings for Elizabeth. Anne herself had told him that he ought to marry to please himself.
When Emily fell asleep for her nap that afternoon, Darcy set off to call on the parsonage. He had a deep feeling of guilt, but also determination. Darcy did not have any anxiety upon the outcome of this interview — he was an excellent match, she had once indicated to him that she had hoped for him to offer, and her behaviour the previous night, both in its friendliness, occasional shyness, and occasional frustration showed that her preference for him had not changed.
Darcy still hesitated. He turned into the park instead of immediately going to the parsonage.
It was wrong.
There was no question that he would end up before Elizabeth, begging her to make him the happiest man in the world, but there was that thing inside of him that insisted he first contemplate all the reasons why it was wrong to make this offer.
He had decided he would not remarry, so he should not remarry. Anne always deserved better from him than he had been able to give her. And if he had not been able to love her, he could at least, as Mr. Collins had said, make his life into a shrine for the departed.
The sense that he deserved to suffer ached in his guts, but the idea of turning around, andnotcalling on Elizabeth, would be far worse.
He could not resist his overwhelming need for her. He no longer wanted to. The affection he felt for her, the delight her presence gave him. He was a better, more complete, and simply happier gentleman when she was near. He could resist her beauty, but he could not resist her cleverness, her laughter, or his hope that he could make her happy.
Besides, Emily liked Elizabeth.
Darcy strode through a lovely grove under the thickening leaves of the trees. He was now approaching the parsonage from the other side, and this time he would enter and call. But when he came near to the gate, Darcy spotted a light figure stepping out, dressed in a straw bonnet and lovely lilac pelisse.
“Elizabeth,” he called out on seeing her.
She turned with a smile and walked up quickly towards him.
Nothing existed but that glow, the rich colour of her hair, the perfect tilt of her head, the line of her neck, her curls. The way her stockings clung to her ankles.
Darcy’s mouth went dry.
“You do not have Emily with you?” Elizabeth asked.
“She is at her nap,” Darcy replied. The guilt began to exist again. He could not speak more.
“I wished to tell you,” Elizabeth said into the silence, “how much anxiety I felt for you upon hearing of the intended elopement of your sister. I felt very keenly for you.”
