“You now possess an ample understanding of the considerations which make it so that he must never remarry.”
Elizabeth could not bring herself to reply.
“Now tell me, have you seen the child? Is she healthy?”
“Emily is a very healthy, very happy, very bouncing child,” Elizabeth replied with a smile. “She can walk quite successfully, and she seems to have both the virtues and defects of her age. A boundless joy, a delight in shouting and excitement, a tendency to cry easily, and a strong affection for her father.”
“You say that she is healthy? But what you say makes it sound as though her spiritual wellbeing is not being amply cared for. As a clergyman I am always sensitive to such matters. Furthermore, it is well known that women, especially young women, are frequently mistaken about the health of young children. And things which they take as the markers and, ah, harbingers of good health, are almost universally the insignia of impending Providence, that is to say, impending death and ill health. Mr. Darcy ought to submit Miss Emily to an examination by a doctor of Lady Catherine’s choice every day.”
“Every day?” Elizabeth said with surprise. “Is that not excessive?”
She could see something in her mother’s face that clearly suggested that her mother also thought, though of course she would never say it, that Mr. Collins was being ridiculous.
“Nothing can be excessive when the fate of one of the noblest children in the land is in question.”
“And, I am curious,” Elizabeth added, “if what is taken as indicators of good health are almost universally signs of ill health, might that imply that those conditions taken as a sign of ill health are in actuality the signs of good, or even excellent, health?”
“Cousin Elizabeth, this is why women ought not attempt to reason or embark upon the rigors of philosophical thought. But no, signs of ill health are,of course,signs of ill health.”
“Then what are the signs of good health?”
Mr. Collins rolled his eyes, and he again spoke to her as though he were lecturing a particularly slow dullard. “Do you not realize the truth? I had believed you to have more cleverness. There are no signs of good health. We all labour under Eve’s curse. We are all doomed to die. Woman ate of the apple and doomed us all. Every feature of a person is a sign of future decay, death, and inevitable dissolution.”
“Ah,” Elizabeth replied. It was exceedingly difficult to not smile widely, despite how morbid the statement was. “I am glad to have been enlightened by your knowledge on the matter.”
As he had no suspicion of sarcasm, nor the cleverness to detect it, even if he had such suspicion, Mr. Collins was most satisfied by her reply.
The next morning, before they went to Netherfield to call upon Mr. Bingley and his guests, Mr. Collins was far less satisfied with Elizabeth.
“I studied the account books of the estate last night,” he said with a deep frown, “and it thus came to my attention that you continue to have a subscription to a circulating library.”
Elizabeth sat with a thin pasted smile. She could not deny the accusation. She made no attempt to do so.
“Have you nothing to say to defend yourself on the matter?”
“I… enjoy reading.”
“Youenjoyreading?”
She hated him. The way he looked at her, peering over his nose. The smug, satisfied look. The way that he had gained a slimy control over Jane. The way that he had far too much control over her own life.
Elizabeth gazed back at him, half smiling, refusing to answer the question and implied criticism.
“I worry, by all the holy rites of the Church of England, I worry for the state of your soul! Lady Catherine has always been most insistent — young women should not be permittedto read novels. There are a few such books, of godly sentiment, which have been written by the most religious amongst us. For example, theHistory of Goody Two Shoes. But the usual novels from circulating libraries are light, trifling tales. They divert the mind that ought to be focused on more important matters, on the hereafter. And then they display all forms of immortality — I mean immorality — and encourage their readers into engaging in forms of behaviour that are quite contrary to the dictates of the church, the best parts of society, and they encourage young women to act against their own true interests.”
“Truly?” Elizabeth said with a shocked voice.
“You knew that you should not read such books. I will have Mr. Morris informed that you will not be permitted to read any of his books again. Cousin Elizabeth,” Mr. Collins sighed dolefully, “I expected better of you.”
“It was paid for from my own money. I will not—"
“Elizabeth!”
Mr. Collins slammed his hand on the breakfast table.
Quiet.
A taste of anger on the back of Elizabeth’s mouth, and an awareness that she had to control it.
