The three girls looked at each other. Elizabeth flushed, and pressing her hands against her red face laughed. “For such a cause asthisall philosophers condemn gossip.”
Chapter Three
The next time that Fitzwilliam Darcy saw Elizabeth Bennet was at a dinner at Longbourn some five days later.
During the course of the afternoon they did not speak more than a few times to each other, and upon casual matters. But the entire time Darcy was aware of a sense of having behaved poorly towards her.
At first upon hearing himself described as having behaved in a most ungentlemanlike manner, Darcy had been happily possessed of a resentful dislike for Miss Elizabeth which gave him a subject upon which his mind could dwell for the dull remainder of the duller evening. But while Darcy’s temper was apt to hang on to resentments, he was also scrupulously fair.
What justification did he have for speaking of Miss Elizabeth in such a way when he knew that she could hear him?
None.
Or more specifically, he had been in a poor mood the whole night.
The carriage ride up from Bath to London had aggravated the tightness in his back, and he was still in a state of some pain in his useless legs. Tingles and spasms came and went. Further Darcy found, a little to his surprise, that a ballroom was no more congenial now that he could not be expected to dance than it had been when politeness required he always stand up a few times with a member of his own party.
The attempts by members of the community to thrust their daughters upon him — every one of whom claimed they would adore a quiet life spent caring for an invalid — had given him a further distaste for the thought of mixing with this company.
There was no one in the room worthy of his notice, and as a result Darcy determined to bestow that notice upon no one.
Ill temper and a disinclination for society — even after he had already made the mistake of coming to an assembly — was justifiable. However, an insult delivered to a woman in her hearing wasin factan ungentlemanlike behavior.
During that dinner at Longbourn Darcy looked often at Elizabeth.
The more he looked at her, the more he realized that she was in fact a very beautiful woman.
More to the point, he had acted wrongly, and he must apologize.
But his sense of having acted wrongly also acted as an impediment. It was unusual for Darcy to believe he had made a mistake in any matter of principle. He waited the whole evening in the drawing room, seeking a comfortable opportunity to approach Miss Elizabeth. However, at all times she was deeply involved in conversation.
Her white hands cut the air, and she spoke with enthusiasm and fire. Her face lit up when she laughed or smiled. This was quite delightful to observe. And Darcy felt awkward and ill equipped to push himself into her notice for the sake of admitting wrongdoing.
The matter was made more difficult by the way that the Bennets allowed their younger girls to run wild. The room was full of noise and activity — loud music, shouting, and some alcohol. Mrs. Bennet repeatedly approached him and asked after his comfort, while speaking too loudly and precisely, as though he had lost the use of his hearing rather than his legs.
Darcy was even more silent than was his wont, though he did converse for some twenty minutes with Mr. Bennet, while sitting in one of the armchairs, and then another twenty minutes with a Mr. Goulding.
And then he was back in the carriage, speeding away from Elizabeth Bennet at the racing pace of ten miles per hour. Darcy had nothing to do but stare out the window and abuse himself for his failure.
Devil take it: He had only needed to open his mouth and say “I apologize, Miss Elizabeth, I spoke to you in an impolite manner, and it was wrong of me.”
Just do it.
Even if it was an awkward moment which would involve spilling his business to all the world,next timehe would apologize to Elizabeth. That was a determination. That was an oath to himself. He was a Darcy, and he fulfilled his obligations.
The Bingleys spent the ride talking about the family which had hosted them, with Miss Bingley speaking in somewhat mocking terms of Mrs. Bennet and the younger girls, while Bingley insisted that he had never met such good natured people, and that all the Misses Bennet were delightful, especiallytheMiss Bennet.
When the gentlemen rejoined the ladies after dinner a few days following at Lucas Lodge, Darcy saw Miss Elizabeth engaged in close conversation with Miss Lucas in a corner of the room.
Keeping his eyes partly on the carpet to ensure that his crutches did not slip, Darcy maneuvered his way across the room to stand before them. There was something about the moment as he walked the rug that caught his mind.
The cheap red and gold wallpapering with French patterns imprinted. The sound of Mary Bennet playing the same sonata by Herr Beethoven that Georgiana had played the afternoon Darcy decided to leave Bath. The slightly scuffed and worn furniture. The blue Chesterfield with deep buttons that Elizabeth Bennet and Charlotte Lucas sat next to each other on, inclining their heads together. Miss Bingley’s half hidden sneer as she spoke to Miss Bennet. Mr. Bingley’s gay expression as he listened to the jovial voice of Sir William. The late afternoon light peeking through the heavy cream colored curtains, and the scent of the popping and crackling fire.
Darcy reached the ladies and he inclined his head to them.
Both pairs of eyes fixed on him.
Miss Elizabeth’s eyes were remarkably pretty.
