His arms came around my waist, crushing me to his hard chest. I was too tired to fight and I let myself collapse against him, catching my breath. His cheek was warm against mine and I leaned into it, closing my eyes. He was so…
Everything I’d ever wanted.
Kind. Funny. Handsome. Frustrating in all the right ways. He made me feel things I didn’t feel with anyone else.
Once again, I couldn’t deny that I felt safe in his arms. Peaceful. Now that he was carrying some of my weight, the water bobbing us up and down only added to that. Like I was being rocked to sleep.
“We’re aperfectfit.” His mouth was right next to my ear, but his words lit a fire in my belly. “And you know I’m right. We know each other better than anyone. We laugh and we flirt and we fight and we come back stronger than before.”
What was even the use anymore? I whimpered as I gave in, wrapping my arms around his neck. “I’m not good enough for you. Pretty enough. Talented enough. Kind enough. Lorne made sense. That’s why I didn’t stay with you in Hawaii. I couldn’t believe it was true. You loving me has never made sense.”
His nose brushed against mine, his warm breath ghosting over my lips. “Don’t say that. It’s not true. You’re better than me in every way.”
“No.” My fingers threaded into his hair as we kicked to stay afloat. “I’m nothing.”
He cupped my cheek with one hand, the other still gripping my waist. “Don’t you say that about the woman I love.” His jaw clamped. “You areperfectfor me.”
There was that word again. It kept popping up. Just flying out of his mouth, piercing me like an arrow. I tried to push away but his arms tightened around me.
I shook my head. “I’m not perfect. But you are. And that’s why this won’t ever work.”
“You are and it will,” he said through clenched teeth, as if he could fix world peace with sheer determination. Maybe he could. But he couldn’t fix this.
I twirled one of his curls around my finger. “I’m not fishing for compliments. You’ll see I’m right.” He would. I was going to show him as soon as we got out of the water. It would put a stop to this once and for all. “Cash.” I leaned back to look him in the eye. “I’m going to take off my shirt and shorts, and then, you’re going to let me swim to shore without your help. When I get out, you’ll see that I’m not perfect.” I pressed a hand against his stubbled cheek. “It will break my heart when you decide you don’t want me but I promise to forgive you. You’re my best friend and you always will be. N-no matter what.” I squeezed my eyes shut but the sobs were overtaking my words. “Even when I w-watch you m-marry the love of your life. Whoever sh-she is.”
He gaped at me like he’d been punched in the gut. And like I was slipping through his fingers, and he had no idea how to hold on. “Youarethe love of my life.”
I shook my head. “I’m not. Trust me.”
I shoved off of him and kicked my legs out to keep myself afloat. I pushed off my shorts, then peeled off my shirt. My pulse hammered as I watched the lake steal them, pulling them under like it knew what I was trying to hide. Not even my matching pale pink, lace-trimmed bra & panties could help me now.
I didn’t let myself look at Cash—though I could feel him watching me—as I swam with the little strength I had left. When we finally reached the shore, our shoulders barely out of the water, I put a hand out to stop him.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t be perfect for you,” I said. “I wish things were different.”
“Charlie, what is going on?”
“Just…please don’t say anything to anyone. They’ll all lose their minds. Promise me.”
His head tilted, worry lines forming around his eyes. “I promise.”
“Let me get out first.”
He watched me go, so confused.
I swam ahead, knowing I only had a few more seconds where this secret was mine and mine alone. Then my feet touched the silt bottom and I knew it was over. I pushed up to a stand, my back to him.
As I approached the shore, the breeze kissed my back like a goodbye. Fighting tears, I hugged myself, arms covering my middle. But it was coming. There was no stopping it now.
“Charlie,” he said. “Tell me what happened to your back. That isn’t from allergies.”
I took two full breaths and then, over my shoulder, I said, “It’s…an acid burn.”
“What?” The words sounded strangled. “What happened?”
“The front is a lot worse. B-but.” My chin quivered uncontrollably. “This is why I disappeared for a while. For a long time, I didn’t know if I wanted you all to ever see me again. I know that was w-wrong but it’s how I felt.” The sobs were coming so hard I could barely talk. “I’m g-going to t-turn around, okay?”
Arms still crossed over my stomach, I rotated until I was facing him.
