“Hey,” she said softly, her torso shaking as she sobbed. Her arms came around my shoulders and her fingers gently scraped over my scalp. “It’s okay. It’s okay. Cash?”
“Huh?” I sniffed.
“We’re gathering a crowd.”
She was right. Seven people were staring at us. One had his phone out recording.
She shifted my weight and opened the door. “Get in.”
I slid across the bench seat. She climbed in, shut the door, and locked it. Then she turned and opened her arms, her coffee-colored eyes offering a warmth I didn’t deserve.
And that’s how I ended up sobbing against her shoulder while the guys ate my chicken wings.
twenty
Cash
The sun had been up for a while now but I didn’t dare move a muscle. Not with Charlie asleep in my arms. There was no maybe about it. I had separation anxiety. Just the sixty seconds of thinking she was leaving had sent me into a tailspin—and when we got home, I refused to let her go to bed anywhere but right next to me.
Begging her to sleep by me seemed like a great idea last night but this morning, it left me with a few problems. There was a strict No Girls in the Bedroom policy at our house. I wasn’t sure how I was sneaking her out and down the stairs once she did wake up. Also, I couldn’t feel my left hand. Her head, propped on my left bicep, had cut off the circulation to my fingers an hour ago. I probably should’ve been worried about permanent nerve damage at this point, but I couldn’t care about that. I couldn’t care about anything but the fact that Charlie, who I’d promised to be just friends with, had let me spoon her all night.
But my biggest problem? Holding her close was a reminder of what I’d lost, and what I still ached for. A teaser of what wasnotto come.
I studied what I could see of her from here. How could there be so much beauty in one single person? Every tiny part of her lit me up inside. Her earlobes? Were the most attractive earlobes I’d ever seen. Her cheekbones? Curved atexactlythe right angle. The brown of her hair was almost the same as mine, but it looked infinitely better on her.
I dropped my forehead to her shoulder, breathing her in. I decided that how she smelled right now—vanilla with a hint of my aftershave—was my favorite smell in the world. I pressed a kiss to her shoulder blade poking through the shirt.
Shoot. I shouldn’t have done that. Friends don’t kiss each other. Not even in the smallest, most innocent ways.
Friends.
I never thought I would hate that word. But now? Idespisedit. At least when it came to Charlie. How was I supposed to snuff out my feelings and just see her platonically? I didn’t know if I could.
If she were any other girl, I’d just be done. Delete her contact from my phone. But the guys were right, Charlie was family. She was part of my life, stitched into my past and, whether I liked it or not, my future.
I didn’t know how to let go of my dreams. Of a wedding where she’d roll her eyes because she didn’t get a new last name. Of waking up next to her like this, raising kids with her, living the life I’d always seen so clearly in my mind.
Would I have to watch someone else take my place?
I’d already been through that once. I wasn’t sure I’d survive it a second time.
I lay there, breathing through the ache. I wasn’t ready to let her go.
If anything, last night made mewanta reason to hold on.
“Wait till Cash sees,” Addie’s hushed voice floated in from the hall. “He’s going to be so excited. I told you miracles are real.”
Mom laughed quietly. “We’re not going to wake him if he’s not up yet. He got home pretty late last night.”
“But Mooom,” Addie whisper-whined as they opened my door and walked in.
I was already prepared, a finger to my lips, an apology on my face.
Addie’s eyes grew round as quarters, like she’d walked in on something much more scandalous than Charlie and I fully clothed. Mom cocked her head, lips pursed in a tight line.
I know, I mouthed.I’m sorry.
Addie grabbed my shoulder, so excited to tell me…something. She started pantomiming—her tongue hanging out, panting, fists by her ears. With Charlie still sleeping soundly on my bicep, I smiled but scowled. I had no idea why we were playing charades so early in the morning.
