She squeezed her eyes shut. “You’ll thank me in the long run.”
We were no longer talking about the song. That was clear. Because no way would I thank her for the last forty-five seconds of torture.
“No. I won’t.”
She watched as I stood, put my guitar in its case, grabbed my iPad, and turned for the house.
She grabbed my pocket, pulling me to a stop. “Cash. You don’t love me. You just love the chase. As soon as you got me, you’d realize I wasn’t that great and wonder why you wasted so much time running after me.”
My molars ground together and my face boiled. “Is that what you think? That you’re just some childhood obsession I need to get over?”
“Aren’t I?”
“No,” I ground out. “I could’ve moved on. A long time ago. I had a hundred girls who wanted me to move on with them in college.” She stared up at me, saying nothing—not teasing me about being cocky. “But I never let myself, just in case you came back and decided you wanted me. I know you just got out of a bad marriage and you need time to heal or whatever. I just wanted to be the one you turned to. I’ll wait if you need me to.” I hated myself for saying it. I was groveling and it was pathetic.
“Don’t.” She chewed her lip. “Don’t wait for me. I’m…” She stared at the center of my chest. “I don’t feel that way about you and I’m sorry if I gave you that impression.”
I swayed on my feet, like my body was reacting before my brain could catch up. Those were the words I’d never wanted to hear. And they were done. Never to be taken back. It felt like she’d reached into my chest and yanked something vital out, leaving nothing but an empty space where hope used to be.
“But you kissed me back,” I said stupidly, saving no face. “Today and in Hawaii.”
“You’re a good kisser. That’s all.” Her words were hollow and robotic, with no emotion behind them. Matching exactly how she felt about me. But then her eyes lifted to mine and she looked scared. “I told you I need you to be my friend. I don’t want to lose that. Can we please go back to that place?”
I gaped at her. Still processing. It might take a few days to wrap my head around this. But I didn’t need another second to know the answer to her question.
“Sorry, Charlie, but I can’t be just your friend anymore.”
nineteen
Cash
Guys’ night.
That’s the sham of a title James gave it when he told us all to meet at Fourth and Goal, a popular sports bar in Honeyville.
But it was all a setup.
When Liam and I arrived, James and Griffin had already snagged a table. Bowen was wowing the restaurant at the piano on the tiny stage in the corner. His fingers coaxed out a stripped-down, aching version of Noah Kahan’s “Orange Juice.” At least half of the people on this side of the restaurant were watching, mesmerized. Bowen hardly noticed them.
Liam stepped to the side and gestured for me to scoot into the booth ahead of him. “I get claustrophobic if I sit on the inside.”
So I obliged, taking the seat closest to the wall, across from James and Griff who were studying their menus.
“Yes.” I pounded a spirited rhythm on the table. “Guys’ night!” I forced a laugh, overruling my brain which was teetering on the edge of a terrifying depression. “Where’s Theo?” I asked James.
James peered over his menu. “He was finishing up a website for a client. He should be here any minute.”
I grabbed a menu and offered one to Liam.
The waitress walked up. A middle-aged woman who looked around my mom’s age. “Hey, everyone.” She waved. “My name’s Angie, and I’ll be taking care of you tonight.” She glanced around the table, giving each of us a second, like she was memorizing our seating order. I braced for the flicker of awareness. “I have a table full of Duprees, don’t I?”
My shoulders dropped and I hated that she caught it.
But I was worn out. The past two weeks had been full of emotional sprinting —dodging heartbreak, stumbling over the wreckage, dragging myself forward, no matter how bloodied or breathless. But I refused to go down.
Dang it.
Even letting myself think about Charlie for one second had me diving into the free-fall of grief. I grabbed hold of myself before I could drop any further.
