“This is the angel we would put on top of the tree each year. It’s kind of been buried in the closet since Dad died.”
“It makes Belen sad.” Celeste rubbed my back.
“It did. But I think it’s important to hold on to our traditions and this tree topper is a big part of that.” I handed the angel to Celeste and with the help of Kris, she climbed the step stool and made the tree official.
After decorating, we deserved a sweet treat, so I made us all hot chocolate, adding a little something extra to Kris’s and my mugs. With all the excitement of the evening, checking out the beautiful homes with impressive lights and inflatables and creating a bit of Christmas cheer in our apartment, Celeste was more than ready to call it a night. Once I got her situated in her room, I found Kris shirtless in my bedroom, a satisfying sight that made my body hum with anticipation.
“Is this you with your dad?” He lifted a picture of Celeste and me with our father.
“Mm-hmm.”
Kris placed the frame back on the windowsill. “So what did Celeste mean when she said she planned to move out?”
Removing my earrings, I placed them in the jewelry dish on my dresser. “Just that. She wants to get a place of her own.”
“Is that possible for her?” he asked, rubbing his hand over his perfectly toned chest.
“Yes, many people with Downs live alone, have jobs, and even get married and have kids.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“I’m not certain Celeste is one of those people,” I said, tugging off my sweater to reveal a cami underneath.
“Why? From what I gather she’s smart, perceptive, and thoughtful.”
“She’s also naive and kind to people who don’t deserve it.”
“Well maybe it’s because you shelter her.” He tossed his watch on the bedside table.
His words were like a blow to the face. Tightness took up space in my chest and I bared my teeth. “I don’t shelter her.”
Kris showed his palms, his tone apologetic. “You love your sister and you want to protect her. I get it. But you need to give her space to spread her wings.”
“And what if her wings get singed? Then what?” I’d been taking care of Celeste all my life. Kris didn’t understand how vulnerable she was.
“You’re there to help her land on her feet, dust herself off, and take flight again. You’re like her one-woman pit crew.”
I planted my arms firmly across my chest. “You don’t get it.”
“No, not all of it. Explain to me what you’re afraid of.” His eyes were soft with no judgment to be found. Sitting on the bed, he patted the space next to him, inviting me to join.
When it came to Celeste, I was fiercely protective, but now staring into Kris’s sincere face, I felt foolish for getting so worked up. Taking a seat beside him, I did my best to explain the things that kept me up at night with worry. “I just don’t want anyone taking advantage of her, mentally, physically, emotionally. There are stories every day, on the feeds of the Downs groups I follow, about people young and old being scammed, or harassed,or abused. The world can be a cruel place for anyone, but especially for someone people see as different. Celeste is a Black woman with developmental delays; she’s the poster child for different. Why would I want to subject her to greedy employers, insensitive strangers on the street, and don’t even get me started about men, if I could stop it?”
“But we can’t protect people from life; we can only give them the tools to navigate through it.” Kris’s tone was soothing, his demeanor calm. This wasn’t his sister. He didn’t have a dog in this fight. Celeste was all I had.
“I would die for my sister.” My eyes were getting misty.
“I know you would, but you don’t have to.” He hooked his thumb under my chin, tilting until my eyes were level with his. “I’m sure we can think of a way to keep her safe while allowing her the freedom to grow separate and apart from you.”
Did he just say we like he was ready to take on my problems as his?No one was asking him to do that. I didn’t need him to. With the death of my mother, I learned early on to be independent and to rely on my own efforts … not promises, no matter how well intentioned.
“I just don’t want to mess this up. She’s counting on me. And I promised my father I’d take care of her.”
“And you’ve kept your promise. But maybe taking care of her is also allowing her to grow.”
I nodded my head slowly, really taking in his words. Since my father’s death, I didn’t have anyone I could talk to about this type of stuff. So having Kris ask questions, listen to my concerns, and try to offer up advice was appreciated. Even if I bristled and pushed back a bit, I needed to hear an opinion opposite from mine.
I wanted Celeste to live a full life. That’s why I enrolled her in the classes at the community center. My parents and I taught her daily life skills, but this shit was nuanced and there was stillso much I didn’t know. We should have enrolled her years ago because she was thriving and each day, she was so excited to tell me about what she learned.
