My love.Those two words feel like a shot of happiness through the storm brewing inside my chest.
“It was. Cancer sucks so bad. He was only forty-seven when he passed, and seeing his light go out day by day was really fucking hard to see. He saw me compete several times before he left us, and I’m happy that he did. I remember the day I told him that Coach Wilson came up to me – we celebrated and I had my first sip of champagne that evening. Mom made tamales and my sisters screamed with excitement.”
I feel the first tear roll down my cheek. Then the second one. A third one. I don’t linger on the fact that it’s so easy to give Alara my broken pieces, because I’m too busy focusing on not entirely falling apart. I know I can, but I don’t want to.
“Luis would be so proud of you.” Her words are whispered,but I can hear the emotion through them. She kisses the back of my hand again.
“Would he? Even after the reckless stunt I pulled a few months ago?”
“You’re only human, Diego. Making mistakes happens toeveryone.Do you think he’d be really mad at you for that?”
I lean my head back against the headrest and stare at the dark road ahead. “Nah. Actually, I think he’d try to teach me a lesson. Say something like everything happens for a reason, and I was brought back here for some reason too.”
I see her smile from the corner of my eye.
“I wish I could have been more present for Mom and my sisters,” I continue weakly. “A week after his funeral, I had to leave for Austria for a tournament. Didn’t even come back for Christmas because I had another competition in Switzerland a couple days after.”
“I remember Gaby telling me about it. She was sad that you weren’t there, but she’s never blamed you for living your dream. She never will. You can’t change the past, but you can definitely work to make your future different.”
“Trust me, I am.” The pad of my thumb starts brushing the back of her hand. “I miss him. I miss him a lot. I’ve always been a wild child, but he kept me on my toes, you know? After losing him, I was convinced that every good thing would go away, and that’s why I’ve had a hard time letting people in. I’ve never spoken about him to anyone else but you. And coming back reminds me of him in so many ways. The pain doesn’t seem to lessen, even after all this time.”
“That’s normal. Grief isn’t easy, and sometimes, for some people, it gets harder as time goes by. That’s okay.” She parks the car and turns to me. I didn’t even realize that almost thirty minutes had gone by. Unbuckling herself, Alara shifts in her seat to cradle my face. If she feels the tremble of my jaw beneath herfingers, she doesn’t let on. “Thank you for sharing this with me. Thank you for trusting me. Not everyone is going to leave, Diego. Especially not me, if you’re okay with that.”
I can’t help but lean into her touch. “I’d like that very much.”
We don’t speak about the future. Don’t mention what happens when I leave. I don’t tell her that I want to come back here – permanently – and thatshe’sthe reason the idea planted itself in the first place. Obviously, there are other contributing factors, such as my sisters, my mom, my friends and especially Jordan, whom I’ve grown even closer to lately. But the way I feel about Alara is what pushed me to make a decision.
Alara’s an ambitious and driven woman, and I know that she’d follow me to the ends of the earth if things ever got serious between us. But she’s rooted here, and I can be too. She has a job that makes her happy, and she’s on a quest for a master’s that’ll open doors in her social media journey. My job? I can do it here – where it all started.
Still, I don’t know when I’ll be able to relocate or even if Coach will allow me to. Until I’m sure I can make this my home base again, I refuse to pursue anything romantic with her. It’s better if we keep things like this for the time being. Right?
I lean in to capture her lips in a soft kiss, the whisper of unspoken words tangling with the mingling of our breaths.
Thank you.
I want to deepen the kiss, but the song on the radio makes me stop. A chuckle rumbles in my chest at the realization. This is a sign from the universe – it’s telling me that Dad is watching from above. That he’s got my back no matter what.
“What?” She pulls away, smiling. This smile? It’s everything to me.
Then, she thumbs a tear away, which makes me realize that I started crying again as soon as the first note of the song came out of the speakers.
“This is the song my parents danced to at their wedding.” “Amazed” by Lonestar. I know all the lyrics by heart.
Her gaze softens and, a beat later, she’s out of the car and rounding it until she opens the door on my side. “Come here.”
A laugh escapes me, but I undo my seatbelt and leave the warmth of the vehicle. The snow crunches beneath my sneakers as I step toward her outstretched hand. When I try to close the door, she doesn’t let me, and the sound of the music filters through the open air.
I don’t look around, don’t revel in the view of the place she’s driven to, because I’m too mesmerized by her. By the sprinkling of snow tumbling down the bridge of her button nose. By the snowflake catching in a strand of dark hair. By the blush rising on her cheeks when my palm connects to hers.
“What exactly are we doing?” I ask, my voice a gravelly rasp.
“Dancing.”
One hand in mine, I make her spin before pulling her into my chest. My smile widens when she looks up at me, wrapping my other arm around her waist while hers finds my shoulder.
She has no fucking clue, does she? Of how much this means to me. I’ve wished, so many times, to find a love like the one my parents had. To find a partner who’d dance with me, who’d share my pain and success and happiness, who’d love me without limits or conditions. She has no fucking clue that she’s everything to me.
Placing my chin atop her head, we gently sway to the music, letting the synced drums of our heartbeats do the talking.
