“Just you touching me, kissing me, talking to me.”
“Do you like it when I talk you through it?”
I nod. Just earlier, his voice and words alone were enough to make me breathless.
Heat flares in his gaze. “Alright. I will do that.”
His expression softens as he stares at my smile. He makes it so hard to stay emotionally detached, but I’m so glad he cares about me enough to make my pleasure his top priority. He has made it clear that he wants to learn and understand my body. Undoubtedly, this entire situation and my feelings will blow up in my face, but do I truly care about the consequences? I have in the palm of my hand a man who treats me like a queen. I consider myself highly lucky.
“Thank you,” I whisper. My heart is a mess. It doesn’t know where it should stand – if it should cross the line or stay where it currently beats, crying with despair for him to meet me at the finish line.
“Do not thank me for this. Never thank me for wanting to see you and get to know you on a deeper level, whether it’sintimately or emotionally speaking.” He brushes a light kiss on my shoulder. My emotions are all over the place, and I feel like I might burst into tears. “Do you want me to touch you? Do you want to go upstairs and spend some time exploring what you like?”
My cheeks heat up. Pathetic, after what we just did. “In a bit. Let me just clean up, then we can go to bed.”
His grin has become my favorite feature of his. “Sounds good, beautiful. You’re so safe with me, Alara. I hope you know that. And you can set the pace. We’ll do everything at your own rhythm. You’re in control here.”
Ugh!He’s perfect. No one gets me the way Diego does.
I lean in to kiss him tenderly, my heart on the brink of exploding when he grabs the back of my head to deepen the kiss. “You’re free to stay the night if you want,” I say. “If you don’t want to walk back home, I mean. I know it’s a bit of a contradiction to our rules, but maybe—”
He shuts me up with another kiss – the brush of a promise. “I’d love to stay. Thank you.”
And as I move toward the bathroom to clean up, I realize that keeping this casual without letting feelings interfere is going to be excruciatingly impossible. He’s already ruined me in every way. He’s made his way into my veins like a strong dose of a drug, and I have no idea how to find a cure –ifI want to find a cure.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
DIEGO
I’m fucked. Royally fucked.
I’ve thought of it more than once, and I ignored all the warning signs when I realized that Alara would fuck me over. I couldn’t stay away from her, though, because every time those pretty eyes locked to mine, I wanted more, more, more, and, now that I understand that she’s officially ruined me for anyone else, I’m terrified of this feeling. Terrified because I can’t get her out of my head.
Currently I’m lying on my stomach as she grazes her nails over my spine, and I sigh contently. We had sex twice after the first time, and both times were focused onherpleasure. She told me she’s usually in her head during sex, trying to focus on her partner instead of chasing her own needs, so that’s why I laid her down on her bed, took the time to use my fingers, studied the way her body reacted until she begged me to fill her up. With my fingers continuously stimulating her clit, she came fast and so hard that it drew out a long and intense orgasm from me. I swear I’ve never come so hard as with her.
The second time, I took her in the shower, her back pressed to my chest. Again, I helped her come while playing with her clit,and the way she shuddered was enough to make me topple over the edge again.
It mattered to me that we discussed what she wants and enjoys.Sheis important.
I have never wanted someone the way I want Alara.
I have never felt closer to anyone than I do with her.
I like to think that I have all the time in the entire world to learn the way her body works.
When we talked about what she likes, I hated that sudden pang of jealousy that had wrapped around my heart at the thought of the guys she’d been with in the past. And, obviously, none of these boys cared about her pleasure – I made sure to show her how thoroughly different I am from them.
I’m scared to admit it, but Alara is everything I’ve ever looked for in a woman – and not just on a physical level. I’m trying to stay as emotionally unattached as possible, but I can already feel myself struggling.
It’s the first time in my life that I’m allowing myself to depend on someone else. Ever since I arrived at Blue Ridge Springs, she’s taken care of me without batting an eyelash, and, as much as it pains me to say it, I do like it. I’ve never opened up to anyone about my family’s financial situation, except her. I’ve never let anyone know the real pain I’m bearing, except her. I’ve never let anyone in, except her.
Alara looks at me, and sheseesme. She sees beyond the walls of self-preservation, the parts I keep hidden to protect myself. She sees it all, and, instead of stepping back, she constantly pushes further and farther, intent on uncovering all those layers that surround my heart.
“Come here,” I whisper, when I roll over to lie on my back.
Alara sleepily moves to rest her face in the crook of my neck, her legs tangling with mine. I’m hyper-aware that we shouldn’tdo this – seek affection, laugh, talk – after sleeping together, but I can’t help myself.
Her palm is splayed out just above my heart. “It’s beating so fast,” she whispers. I don’t reply, already drifting toward a deep slumber.
