After putting his belongings away and grabbing him some water and painkillers from the bathroom, and an ice pack wrapped in a cloth, I join Diego in his room. He’s busy undressing himself, and as much as I try not to look at his corded forearms when he unbuttons his snow pants I fail miserably.
He sits on the edge of his bed in nothing but boxer briefs while I pull the curtains closed, leaving a tiny sliver of space in order to let the morning light stream through the room. I love that his room is still the same way it was when he last lived here – I once took a peek when I was sleeping over years ago. I can’teven count how many times my teenage self fantasized about making out with him on this very bed. How it’d feel to sneak in to cuddle with him.
“Do you want something to drink or eat?” I ask, forcing myself to stay in this reality.
He shakes his head, bringing the ice to his knee. “Just come here.”
Sitting by his side, I caress his bare back, his muscles relaxing under my touch. I let my fingertips dance across the toned surface as he closes his eyes. There’s light bruising on his ribs from his fall, but nothing alarming.
I still can’t fathom the panic that took over me when I found him. The relief when the doctor announced he was okay. I care a lot about him – way more than I should.
“Alara?” he whispers.
I swallow. “Yes?”
“Can we keep what just happened between us?”
He looks at me, and I nod. “Anything you want.”
“It’s just that . . . I don’t want my mom and sisters to worry.” He pauses, and I can feel that he wants to share something else. Leaning forward and placing his elbows on his thighs, he pushes his hair back and sighs. “You probably don’t know this, but I’ve been taking care of them since my dad passed away. My income as a snowboarder is what predominantly supports my family. I’ve been paying for Gaby’s tuition, and I also make sure to put some money aside for Val, for when she goes to college as well. I don’t want Mom to stress about the bills. Last week, I learned that she’s been struggling with money and hasn’t been able to pay bills in time, and the fact I wasn’t even aware of it— I’ve been trying to make life for her as easy as possible, but I’m failing her, Alara. I’m failing my sisters. I’m failing my dad. I’m failing at everything.”
It makes everything clearer now. Why he puts so muchpressure on himself. Why he’s rushing to recover and go back to training. Why he’s lying and so desperate to leave. If his career is over, it affects not just him, but everyone.
“I had no idea,” I whisper, my brows pinched together. Gaby has been my best friend for as long as I can remember, but she’s never talked about her family’s financial situation. “Is that what you’re worried about? Money? Disappointing them?”
“Both.”
“Diego.” I continue tracing circles on his skin, watching chills appear in the wake of my touch. “I don’t think you see yourself the way I see you. You’re a beautiful man, beyond measure. You’re caring, driven, passionate, and selfless. The way you care for your family isn’t defined by how much money you make to get them through the month. It’s defined by the way you show up for them, even if you think you haven’t done enough because you live in another state. They love you so much,” – I take a shaky breath in, my fingers hovering over his back as a fleeting thought rushes through my mind, warming my chest and wrapping around my beating heart, but I don’t voice it – “and they are all so proud of you.”
He shakes his head, cupping the back of his neck with both hands, fingers threading together. “I’m not enough for them.”
“Have they expressed this sentiment? Have they told you they’re upset with you for living your dream?”
“No,” he answers quietly.
“Look at me.” His warm brown eyes are veiled by such raw sadness that my heart breaks at the sight. “They are your biggest supporters. Gaby constantly shows me your tournament videos, and she always tells me how happy she is for you. But you areso much morethan a talent on slopes. Maybe you’ve been used to that praise coming from your fans and your teammates and your coach, maybe you’ve ingrained in that pretty head of yours thatall you’re good at is snowboarding. But, trust me, you’re so much more, and you’re more than enough.”
His features soften, and a small exhale leaves his mouth. There’s a long stretch of silence as he looks back and forth between my eyes, and I know he can see how sincere I am. Then, he shifts again to look at that spot on the carpet. “I feel like I’ve lost myself these past few years.”
“I know what you mean, but I know the old you is still there. Your sisters and mom know it too. You’re so brave for taking care of them, but you shouldn’t bear all that weight and pressure alone. And if it’s the money that’s really stressing you out, I can help you look into collaborations with brands. I think I’ve gotten a DM or two because of that video gone viral, so maybe that can help?”
His shoulders slump. “Yeah. I’d like that.”
“We’ll figure this out. Step by step.” I swallow. “Together, if you’re okay with that.”
He finds my gaze again. Only, this time, he straightens up and tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. His featherlight caress makes my heart go into racing mode. “I’m more than okay with it. Thank you, Alara. You have no idea how much your words and everything you’ve done mean to me.”
Diego thinks he’s so jaded, so scarred, but every glimpse he gives me of his true self, every time he steps out from the shadows, renders him so beautifully unique to me.
“I’m here for you,” I murmur.
He nods. “Thank you.”
Pushing away some rogue curls from his brows, I say, “You’re not alone. Accept the help. Let me take care of you.”
A soft smile touches his lips – small, but heartfelt enough to let his dimples pop. “I’ll try.”
That’s enough for me.
