Underwear. It was dark and it was only like wearing a bikini and she could run straight into the sea.
‘Eurmph,’ she said a good minute later, her armsreallyaching from the effort of trying to wind them further round her body than they could feasibly go. ‘Can’t reach my zip.’
‘Let me.’ Matt walked back towards her, shaking water from his hands. He moved behind her and, moving her hair gently out of the way, pulled the zipper down, his fingers brushing the skin on her back as he did it. Lily really hoped he couldn’t feel or see her sudden goosebumps. ‘I think that’s done,’ he said, his voice hoarse now.
‘Great!’ Lily’s voice was the opposite of hoarse, very squeaky. She took a couple of steps away from him, stepped out of the dress and laid it carefully on a rock. And then stood up. He was looking at her, wearing just those very snug, soaking wet trunks, and a little smile. Oh. God. He stretched out a hand to her and Lily panicked.
She ignored his hand and said, ‘I’m going straight in,’ and ran towards the water. ‘Woah,’ she shrieked as it reached her thighs. ‘It’s a lot colder at night.’
‘We’ll warm up soon,’ said Matt from just behind her.
Lily turned round and looked at him, and he grinned at her and splashed water on her shoulders.
‘Cooooold,’ she screamed and whacked her hands down really hard just in front of him for a mega splash.
And then he splashed her again and she splashed him back, and then he nudged her and she nudged him and then suddenly they were kissing and their torsos and limbs were moulded together and their hands were everywhere and it was the most gorgeous, erotic, urgent near-love-making experience Lily could remember in a long time. Maybe ever.
And… They weren’t alone. There was definitely some noise. Some people talking.
‘Who’s that?’ A couple of men were yelling from the beach. ‘Matt?’
‘Eek.’ Lily let go of him and ducked down into the water. ‘I’m in my underwear.’
‘Busy right now,’ Matt called, moving her round so that he had his back to the shore, shielding her from view.
‘Got you. Have a good one, mate.’
Lily and Matt both stayed frozen where they were while the sounds of the men’s footsteps and voices disappeared into the distance.
‘Honestly—’ Lily began to giggle ‘—I can’t actually believe what we’ve done in one day. Mud and now this.’
‘I know,’ Matt said. He wasn’t laughing, though, and he was letting go of her and taking a step back. And his voice had changed. The warmth, desire, loveliness that had been there minutes before had dissipated.
Lily stared through the moonlit night into his face as she swallowed the remainder of her laughter, trying to work out what had suddenly changed.
‘Lily, I’m so sorry. I… I actually can’t do this. That was amazing but I need to stop now. I’m going to be honest with you. You broke my heart eight years ago. I’ve never fully known why we split up. I’ve always felt that I wanted to understand properly, for closure, but I don’t know any more whether I even want to have that conversation, because after spending today with you I think I’m going to struggle to move on again. I’m hurt that when we were together you didn’t tell me about your severe childhood asthma and any ongoing issues, although obviously I would never want you to talk to me about anything if you didn’t feel comfortable. I suppose I’m hurt that you didn’t feel comfortable with me. I’m hurt that you didn’t explain properly to me why you wanted to split. And I’m angry that I’m still hurt about any of that because it should all be so spectacularly in the past. So I’m really sorry for suggesting that we swim and then going back on it but if it’s alright with you I’d really like to leave now.’
‘Of course.’
It felt like she’d just been punched in the stomach. Like all the air had just gone out of her and she couldn’t think. It was awful that she’d hurt him so much. And awful that she’d been so hurt herself, when she’d heard about his marriage. Everything he’d just said made total sense. Of course they should stop. Except… That kiss had been breathtaking. And they’d always been so good together.
For a mad moment she was tempted to launch herself at him, wind her arms round his neck, start kissing him again, press her body to his. And… no. He’d made it very clear that he didn’t want to do anything.
They waded out of the water in their soaking underwear, both staring straight ahead, only a couple of feet away from each other physically, but miles apart in every other way.
When they got back to where they’d left their clothes, they both, without saying a word, turned their back on the other to get themselves dressed.
Lily found herself wrestling with her thoughts as well as her dress. Of course Matt was right to have stopped them. But knowing that didn’t stop herreallywishing that theyhadcarried on. It had beenso good.
And she just couldn’t get her dress back on by herself. She was too wet and shivery and it had been quite hard to get into in the first place.
In the end, she hung it round her neck, to cover her front, and said, ‘Ready,’ in her best I-really-don’t-mind-about-what-just-happened voice. Hopefully she wouldn’t bump into anybody on the walk back to her hotel.
‘Take my jacket.’ Matt handed it to her without meeting her eye. ‘You really can’t walk around like that. That underwear’s very see-through.’ Good to know. ‘Plus, you’re shivering.’ He had his shirt on over his trunks and was holding his trousers and shoes in his hand. If he hadn’t had such gorgeously solid thighs, the shirt would have been just about long enough to make him look decent, but as it was, he just lookedsinfullysexy and not at all properly covered up. Lily wanted to cry. ‘I’m going to walk you to your hotel room and you can hand the jacket round the door to me once you’re inside.’
Because obviously they weren’t going to be seeing each other again for her to hand the jacket back another time.
God. Now she could feel actual tears forming.
